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Originally Posted by limey
I suppose what really irks me is that for any task that is regular but not daily (i.e. do some laundry, fill the coal hod or kindlers bucket) I have to ask. (Best Beloved does notice when he can fit nothing more in the bin and takes out the trash at that point.). If you can have "do the dishes" on a daily check list, why not "Check status of hod, bucket and laundry basket" too?
Is there really a biological difference which means that women notice that these things need doing and men don't?
And, in case you're wondering, I ask BB to do these things as politely as though we hadn't already agreed they are part of his responsibilities, and as though I hadn't already asked him to do it without me asking (i.e. no mind reading expected).
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Please don't take this as an accusation... just a question, nothing more (because many I have been around and with do this).
Do you go straight to griping about this or have you ever discussed this issue nicely without sounding pissed about it with em'?
Guys become defensive and will not "hear" what you say very well if you "tone" them.
My wife has learned this... I can be a dick when bitched at, I feel it is my right.
If one just states, calmly "When you don't/or do do this it really bothers me and this is why and how it makes me feel..." with no emotions evident while describing it.
Yes, I said no emotions... speak guy to him and he will understand. Tell him how you feel and what you want, not show him and you will get results.
Now, if you REALLY want to get results, look at yourself and everything and find something that you do/do not do that you know bugs the shit out of him (don't say it... you know there are several) and tell him that you will now adjust your behavior accordingly too because you want to start listening to him the way you are asking him to for you. This is my wife's secret weapon... it always gets my attention at the end of the conversation and closes the deal.
This conversation CANNOT take a long time... that is a long time in GUY TIME, that is ten min or so at the most... it should only take five or so and does not need to have lots of hand holding or tons of close, creepy eye-contact... just talk to him.
It works for us. But, my wife is very hip.
Remember... I am not saying you don't do this, have not tried it... just throwin' it out there for you or others, just-in-case.
Most of us try to talk to others the way
we want to be spoken to... when talking to the opposite sex that is
suicide.:p