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Originally Posted by rkzenrage
Please don't take this as an accusation... just a question, nothing more (because many I have been around and with do this).
Do you go straight to griping about this or have you ever discussed this issue nicely without sounding pissed about it with em'?
Guys become defensive and will not "hear" what you say very well if you "tone" them.
My wife has learned this... I can be a dick when bitched at, I feel it is my right.
If one just states, calmly "When you don't/or do do this it really bothers me and this is why and how it makes me feel..." with no emotions evident while describing it.
Yes, I said no emotions... speak guy to him and he will understand. Tell him how you feel and what you want, not show him and you will get results.
Now, if you REALLY want to get results, look at yourself and everything and find something that you do/do not do that you know bugs the shit out of him (don't say it... you know there are several) and tell him that you will now adjust your behavior accordingly too because you want to start listening to him the way you are asking him to for you. This is my wife's secret weapon... it always gets my attention at the end of the conversation and closes the deal.
This conversation CANNOT take a long time... that is a long time in GUY TIME, that is ten min or so at the most... it should only take five or so and does not need to have lots of hand holding or tons of close, creepy eye-contact... just talk to him.
It works for us. But, my wife is very hip.
Remember... I am not saying you don't do this, have not tried it... just throwin' it out there for you or others, just-in-case.
Most of us try to talk to others the way we want to be spoken to... when talking to the opposite sex that is suicide.:p
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Thank you for the advice. I think I tend to always approach this the same way, which is to ask once a day for the task to be done, in a neutral way - I, too, don't want to appear to be a nag. Quite often this is as I leave for work (BB is out of work at present) - perhaps not the best time of day? The tasks are ones we have agreed on, not that I've arbitrarily assigned, and BB agrees happily to undertake the task - but then it doesn't get done. I will try the "When it doesn't happen it makes me feel ..." approach, and will look for adjustments I can make, too.