[Shawnee123]

I'm sorry everyone. I really do feel at my wit's end and I feel like no one gets it. I know I will get over this lowest of lows but I'm hurting so badly right now and NOTHING seems to be going right for me...so much so that I do entertain thoughts of just getting out.

I swore that I was going to get everything back on track this year after a really horrible year last year with the ex b/f practically ruining my life; but every time I take a step I get knocked back down. And knocked down hard.

I've always lived my life as a "pay it forward" kind of person. I am kind to strangers. I go out of my way to say nice things to make people feel good. I give out this good Karma so why does god hate me so much that he feels the need to keep kicking me?

I just don't know how much more I can take, to the point of thinking of heading to the loony bin for a while.

That's how I am feeling right now. I know none of you can make it better, I guess I was just hoping for a "we care" rather than snide comments. I know it sounds stupid and lame but I feel like I have a group of friends here who might actually accept me the way I am. I feel closeness because I am so able to write out my feelings, funny or serious, and I think so much of you are on that "level" if you know what I mean.

I am going home for the day. Stopping at library and getting some books and relaxing, then I will come back in this weekend when no students are here to yell. Hopefully I will have a better perspective. It's not just work, it's the way I am reacting to this incredibly stressful job because of my personal problems.

Again, I'm sorry. My bad day shouldn't make me try to ruin yours.

Take care,