[lumberjim]

Chester County Barbies
>
> Mattel recently announced the release of the Limited-Edition Chester
> County dolls for the Pennsylvania Market (Will be releasing Philadelphia
> and New Jersey Limited - Edition in time for Christmas of 2007):
>
> Berwyn Barbie:
> This princess Barbie is only sold at Nieman Marcus in King of Prussia.
> She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a
> long-haired dog named Honey, and an attitude. Available with or without
> tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold separately.
>
> Downingtown Barbie:
> This Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym
> outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary
> education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
>
> Coatesville Barbie:
> This recently paroled former “Porn Actress” Barbie comes with a 9mm
> handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy Lumina with dark tinted windows, and a
> methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid
> for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you’re a cop, then
> we don’t know what you’re talking about.
>
> West Chester Barbie:
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
> Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club
> memberships. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
> School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
>
> Parkesburg Barbie:
> This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
> small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
> six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over
> 5 feet and can kick mullet haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Doll
> includes the overwhelming confusion as to why more people don’t come to
> downtown Parkesburg. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a
> confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free!
>
> Exton Barbie:
> Complete with acid washed jeans and her 1987 high school year book, this
> model includes a 1984 Pontiac Firebird with T-Top. Exton Barbie spends her
> days at the Bowl O Rama Dream House (sold separately) talking about how
> popular she was in high school and can often be found trying to turn east
> into the westbound lanes of Route 30. Speed trap Ken available with
> traffic citation book and “bad cop” attitude.
>
> Malvern Barbie:
> This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini
> outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the cookie
> cutter dream house. Percocet prescription available.
>
> Honey Brook Barbie:
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
> high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time ;she chased
> Beer-gut Ken out of the Honey Brook Barbie’s dream house. Her ensemble Includes
> low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
> halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
>
> Phoenixville Barbie:
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
> archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white
> socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a
> Ken doll, but if you purchase 2 Phoenixville Barbies and the optional
> Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
>
> Kennett Square Barbie:
> This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie ; comes with a double-parked 1984 Toyota
> with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbie’s in the back seat,
> but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cell phone, designer
> clothes and welfare check. Optional items available include switch blade,
> handgun with scratched off serial number, and Puerto Rican flag. WIC Cards
> are available for Kennett Square Barbie and Ken but green cards are not available
> for either doll.