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Been there, done that. Didn't want to have kids for fear I lacked the patience and general capability. My daughter was born in June of 1999. I was 22 then, and I endured pregnancy and I continue to endure parenthood alone and without financial assistance from "dad". The hardest part about my parenting experience has been not having the other person around to lean on, for those times when I just need to walk away and cry out my frustrations for a minute.
Though I sometimes question it - daily, like when I have to remind her for the umpteenth though she has been brushing her teeth for 6 years she still needs to do it again tonight before bed - she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She forced me to grow up and find my way when I had been so lost for so long. She taught me patience - though I'm no model of it, I have a lot more than I used to.
I wake up every day fearing I'm fucking her up by something I did, said, didn't do or say, a temper lost, patience lacking. I just hope she forgives me for all the mistakes I make because I really don't know what the fvck I'm doing.
And if you're NOT scared about being a parent, then you shouldn't be one.
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