[footfootfoot]

Sneaky title, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't fall for "hot, wet, tens." Or even 50s for that matter.

So, the good news is that my long held dream of sleeping with a soccer mom is about to come true. (I hope, that is if we can ever find time to be alone with out the kids and while we are still conscious) The inch starts soccer next Saturday and apart from banging the new soccer mom, I am completely unprepared. (That sounded crude, but oh well)

For example, I don't even know how many innings there are in a soccer game or if it's legal to steal a base on a foul tip. And even though I didn't mention that if I had to be another dwellar it would be lookout, I figured you all kind of knew that anyway so why come across like a fawning sycophant, right? I mean I reserve that for Brianna, Shawnee, and ok I'm gonna stop right there.

My buddy across the street was a ref for years and I could ask him, but Lookout seems to really know what is going on or else he wouldn't be accused of taking the players no one else wanted and bringing out their best performances. I mean stacking the deck, I meant stacking the deck. I want to change my answer.

So, dude, you gotta give me the cellar crash course in soccer so I don't come across like a total douche next Saturday. (I will settle for 27% douche as long as I can upgrade that to 11% douche by the following week and within 5 weeks having people say something to the effect of "Ya know when you first showed up we all thought you were pretty much a douche, but I guess we were wrong about you."

That would be cool. And I promise when I make my first $250,000 (which I am on target for by next year) I will call you up and invest it through you. (I would anyway, but you know...)