[Sundae]

I posted because I could.

When I joined the Cellar I was still in the habit of years, of vetting every single photo of me, of requesting that all others were destroyed, of being really controlling about my image because basically I hate it.

I'd been here a year when the RFN thread started. I felt I'd been accepted for my mind, and no-one gave a damn about what I looked like. In fact as a relative newb, it was hardly even going to be of interest. It was so liberating to take a photo and post it and just not care. Although it didn't necessarily change my life for the better - darker days have come and gone since then - it did relieve me of a great burden I'd carried for a long time.

When I was being very strict with myself about exercise and food - fuelled by HM's scrutiny although it was in my best interest - it was both liberating and useful to have a record of what I looked like. The pictures were not erotic, but that were empowering to me. It's so rare to see a naked fat woman. Not posed, just saying, "Yes, here I am, this is what I let happen, this is what I am trying to redress." I am proud that I did it.

I am back in a situation where I am trying again. I don't yet have the courage to post pictures of myself naked. But then this time round I am taking it more slowly, I can't afford the gym (I couldn't exercise at present anyway because I am still limping and walking is my exercise of choice) and I am not in therapy, which was something that made me feel very positive last time round, even though I hated it. However I am living in a place which is very good for me. I am working, and in a job where I am flattered and praised and congratulated weekly, and apart from that I do a damn good job.

So you still gets pics of my face because I am in a good place.
And maybe this time next year I might go back to full body shots. Although they'll almost definitely be clothed. I don't regret posting nekkid pics for a minute, but I'm not in the same place now and I don't think they're necessary.

Please note, all the above is about me and the pictures I posted, which are very different to the pictures other Dwellars have posted, so they in no way make a comment about them. If I had any of those bodies my reasons for posting would be different again, and I mean that positively.