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Clod, I think you raise a goodpoint. But...there is a vast difference between consensual dominance play and non-consensual dominance. I have experienced how badly that can go wrong when the lines are crossed.
What Trease is talking about (with her Sir, and the BDSM scene) is a very controlled form of play and fantasy. It may well be that she is attracted to particular kinds of men and that opens her up to potential dangers...I understand this, I personally am attracted to a little darkness and 'nice' doesn't tend to float my boat. There are several ways of dealing with this. One is to follow that attraction into relationships that can do you harm, another is to avoid such relationships entirely, and still another is to compartmentalise that particular aspect of your sexuality into a form of co-ordinated and controlled fantasy (not so different from playing a computer roleplay game), satisfying that particular desire.
I learned long ago that for me it's the mental space it puts me in that attracts me, not the reality of the experience. For others the reality of the experience confirms and feeds into that mental space. It hits you at more than just a sexual level, it's a full on fantasy experience, with roleplay, creativity and expression. In any roleplay, the fantasy is so much more intense and *thinks* immersive when it involves other people to bounce off (if you'll pardon the pun). It isn't a replacement for 'ordinary' sex, it's a different thing entirely, it hits in a different way and for different reasons and is performed with different goals in mind.
If you're pottering around the world playing out your fantasies without really realising that's what you're doing, that can lead you into dangerous sitatuions and draw you to genuinely dangerous people, without you realising what's going on (my experience). If you know and understand your desires and how that fantasy fits into the rest of your psyche then there is no need for it to unduly influence your choice of partner, or the rest of your sex life. Generally speaking, if someone is aware of their desires to the point that they are seeking out BDSM clubs and communities, then they are less likely to be drawn unknowing into danger.
One thing I find slightly disturbing about this discussion, and it is something that also came to my mind, is that there is an implicit assumption in much of this thread, that Trease's attraction to BDSM is the reason she was beaten and raped by her husband. We have to be very, very careful. The only person responsible for rape is the one committing it.
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