[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Much as I share concern about some of the things Treas has posted, I think we're getting a little carried away here.

BDSM is something a lot of people are attracted to at varying levels. Some of those people have experienced abuse, some haven't. If both parties are aware and conscientious there is absolutely nothing dangerous about it. It's fantasy.

Personally, though I wouldn't necessarily pursue it, because the actual reality of submission is unappealing, at a fantasy level, dark is what turns me on. Dark and dangerous.

Unfortunately, one of the dangers of being attracted to darker characters and darker fantasies, is that you can be drawn to someone who isn't good for you.

What makes this problematic is that for many people who have those fantasies, there's an enormous amount of guilt and secrecy involved (after all, if people, even close to you, knew about that 'fucked up' desire you had, they may well reach some conclusions about you). If you add that to the fact a lot of people, especially women, find it hard to ask for/talk about their sexual desires, what you end up with is couples trying stuff out without discussing it. And that really can get dangerous.

Out in the open, with people of like mind who share complementary fantasies, that's a different matter.

Well stated.