[Juniper]

Another "How Weird is My Hubby" Thread™

OK. You know how kids never want to go to bed when you tell them to go? It's like, WAAAAAH, but mom, I'm not TIRED! But they really are, and you know it. They're practically falling asleep where they're sitting.

My husband never wants to go to bed or admit that he's tired.

He'll be laying on the couch, totally zonked. Every time I walk by, he does this stretch-and-groan thing, which is meant to indicate "I'm soooo tired, but I'm still awake. Oh no, I just drifted off for a moment, I'm really fine."

I say, "You're tired. Go to bed."

Response: "No, I'm fine. I'm watching this."

"This" could be some infomercial starring the ShamWow guy - but it's apparently fascinating.

And if he does go to bed before I do, he is wearing shoes and glasses and laying on top of the covers, as if he is planning to get up again in just a sec. Oh no, dear, I just laid down to close my eyes for a minute, I'll be right up again.

I don't get it, the apparent guilt about being tired and going to bed. He and I don't keep the same schedules. He gets up and goes to work at 7 in the morning. I get up with the kids starting at 6 and the 2nd one at 8, but then I can go back to sleep till noon if I'm not in school, if I want to. I'm a night owl, he's not. I'm OK with it. If he's tired at 10 p.m., I'd be perfectly happy if he'd just get up and go brush his teeth and get under the covers at 10.

But Noooo....he prefers to blame it on me if he's tired. As if I'm the one keeping him awake. Folks, I'm in the basement, in my office, right here at that time of night. I have nothing to do with his schedule. In fact, if I am tired and go lay down in bed...maybe to read, for example, instead of computer surfing...he's STILL out on the couch.

Sometimes I will stay up real late and come to bed...um...interested. And then he will look at the clock and say OMG, it's 4:30 a.m. when we're done...and say...when he calls me the next day...it's YOUR fault I got no sleep. Hey, he'd been snoozing on the sofa since 10 p.m. I suppose only the two hours in bed count?

Here's an example of how twisted this can be. 9:00 p.m. -- he is laying on our bed, sleeping, while I make our kids go to bed. I tell our son, by way of coercing him, that I wished I could go to bed like him. DH yells from back bedroom "Then go to bed." I say, "I've got stuff to do." Because we're having company the next day -- his elderly aunt, his cousin. I have new draperies to hang, a house to tidy, because they're coming early.

He gets angry. He gets up. "FINE," he growls, "I'm up." And proceeds to sleep on the couch instead.

I tell him, "just go to bed, for heaven's sake. You're tired."

"No, I'm OK," he says, as if sleeping on the sofa is helping me tidy up in a way that going to bed in our actual bed would not do.

Because sleeping on the living room couch is not really sleeping.

Sheesh.

If you're tired, go to bed. Why is that such a bad thing?

If I'm tired, that's what I do.

Although, I do admit, I do sometimes pretend to fall asleep with a book so I can avoid going out to the living room and waking him up for bed. Bad, aren't I?