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I've seen the golden child phenomenon in at least two other families.
The one I know the best is where the eldest was a daughter, carried to term after a number of previous miscarriages. After only another year and no miscarriages - another girl. Then eight more years of trying, failed IVF then succesful IVF and many complications and the last couple of weeks in hospital, twin boys born prematurely.
The older girl got everything she wanted.
Luckily for her parents she was a hard worker, not academic but beautiful, which is often easier for a girl.
She was her Daddy's angel, and although very good natured she did know how to manipulate him.
She got a job working for her father and although he cut her no slack (he was very professional) she got a company car, a salary nearly 50% above the going rate for that position and when she moved out of home the company (builders and fitters) did all the work on her house and only charged for materials, allowing her to buy a bad quality house with a significantly low mortgage.
The twin sons decided to go to University. Their fees were fully covered by their parents so they would not come out of Uni in debt. Their parents bought houses in each of the separate University towns because they viewed it as an investment (it was - the father knew the building trade well). They saw it as an issue of trust that the boys would manage the house and charge rent in order to cover household bills and living expenses. Of course they were still paid an allowance because it helped keep them focussed on their study. They were their Mother's Miracle Babies and she was so proud of them.
And the second daughter? My friend. She lived at home and went to the local Uni because her parents were worried she would run up debts if she moved away. Her Dad went with her to buy her first car (second hand from a private seller) but did no more to advise her - she bought it with savings she'd accrued working after school and through college.
She continued to work in a large supermarket to pay for her own socialising - okay her parents didn't charge her rent or a share of the bills, but neither did they ask her older sister for a contribution and she was working full time.
She had always shown herself to be financially reponsible, sensible, acedemic and hard working. I honestly believe that she slipped under their radar. They hadn't had to think about Uni with the eldest daughter - she barely made it out of High School. SO I know they were learning on the job as it were. They had 8 years of friends' experiences with their children and debts and dropping out to draw on by the time the boys went.
But deliberate or not, it seems sad that someone I knew as forceful, intelligent and an all round sparkling person because someone less when she walked in to the family home. I know - I lived there for a while. I saw the walls filled with photos of the beautiful one, with sports trophies of the boys. She had no resentment of the way her siblings were treated, but sometimes - just somethimes - when we were drunk and maudlin, she would wonder why they never did any of that for her, or asked her what she wanted, or said how proud they were at what she had achieved.
Anyway, they you go.
No-one can force a parent to treat children equally, to love them the same or even give them the same support and attention. But to me that's part of what trying to be a good parent is. I've been such a trial to mine and they still take me back in. Mum's admitted I've been the hardest to love just because I'm so much trouble, but I know she does, really.
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