Thanks, Sugarpop. I grew up in AA, the daughter of an alcoholic, and went to many meetings myself.
I don't really buy into consciously changing my feelings... I believe in feeling them fully, appreciating them for what they are, and then letting them go. They may still be there, but once I'm not hanging on to it, I'm free to move on to other emotions. It's gotten me through some incredibly difficult times. I won't go into detail but I faced some challenges, growing up. I've battled despair and anxiety, suicidal ideation, self-injury and other self-destructive urges, some exacerbated by OCD. Working through them as a young adult helped gain me some pretty functional skills for coping with loss and grief. In a way, mourning the loss of a major love relationship is not all that different from mourning the death of a loved one, except for the illusion of control.
I've been heartbroken before. I know I will be OK, it's just that I want to be OK right now, and last night was one of the less OK nights I've had in a while.
For a moment, I would have given anything to NOT have been on a date, so I could go sit next to him and talk to him and smell his smell. But that's part and parcel of the illusion of control... it would feed the hope. Someday I'll be glad to see him, but it won't be because I am hoping he will love me back. It will just be pleasure in seeing an old friend.
But not yet.
And hopefully sometimes I can come here and vent.