*smiles* I didn't take it as harsh. Rather it was helpful. There are a couple of places where it doesn't quite scan to me. Couldn't quite put my finger on why. Something a little forced, maybe. I think it might be because the balance between prose and poetry is a little off kilter. Rather than a melding of the two, it can't quite make its mind up.
I don't think I need to make massive changes to rebalance it. I'm going to mull it over a little. I may end up deciding to leave it as is. But it's always good to pull it apart a little and see if it can be improved. especially on a first draft
Glad you liked it though *smiles* I'm quietly pleased with it m'self