[OnyxCougar]

I did HSI tech support for 2.5 years and my favorite has got to be this:

He calls and we spend 15 minutes trying to get him to verify either his account number or the last 4 digits of his SSN. He don't wanna do it, because we are going to steal his identity, we shouldn't have it anyway, where'd we get it, it's illegal to steal it, he didn't authorize us to ask anyone for it. After explaining 3 times that he gave it to us when he signed up for television service (this is the local cable company), he finally said the last four digits. What a way to start the call. Finally we get to it:

"What seems to be the problem, Sir?"
"All my pictures are upside down."
"Pardon?"
"I said, ALL MY PICTURES ARE UPSIDE DOWN!! Damn, are you deaf?"
"No, Sir, I thought that if you screamed in my ear it would help me understand what you meant a little better. When you say all your pictures are upside down, do you mean just your picture files or your desktop and operating system files as well?"
"I don't know nothin' bout none of that. All I know is that all my pictures is upside down, and I want you to fix it."
"Sir, are you aware that we are your internet provider and not your computer manufacturer?"
"Yes, I'm aware that you are my internet provider and not my computer manufacturer. What is your point?"
"The point, Sir", gritting my teeth, "is that if you are having a problem with the computer, you need to call the people who made it. We didn't make it."
"But you made the internet, didn't you?"
"...No, Sir, we didn't make the internet. We are providing the internet to you through the cable TV lines."
"Well, I get it from you, don't I?"
"Yes you do."
"Well, y'all are giving it to me upside down!"
"......what?"
"I said, all my pictures are upside down! Can you put a MAN on the phone that know's what he's doing?"
"Excuse me?"
"You want me to scream it in your ear again? I want to speak to a man. One that knows what he's doing."
"Sir, I will not transfer your call to another technician. There is no such thing as us giving you the internet upside. dow......Sir? Let me ask you this: Are you running Windows?"
"Yes. XP."
'Sir, what corner of your screen is the green start button?"
"Upper right corner."
"Mhm. And where on your monitor is the power button?"
"Upper left corner."
"Mhm. Sir, Let's try this: Pick your monitor up and turn it over."
"............what?"
"Your monitor is upside down." (Much use of the mute button as I giggle my ass off.)
"It can't be, if I turn it upside down I'll break the satellite dish, won't I?"
"Satellite dish?"
"Yeah, my monitor came with a satellite dish."
"......" (I couldn't figure this out.) "Sir, is the dish plastic?"
"yeah."
"Same color as your monitor?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Sir, that's not a satellite dish. It's the stand that holds your monitor up off the desk."

*click*




One of the funniest tech-support sites I've ever seen is

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/tickets1.htm

I laughed so hard I cried.