[wolf]

Okay, so I'm starting to calm down, but I just had a really bad moment here.

I'm in my living room, decided to head back to my bedroom, and I see something long lying on the floor in the hallway. My first thought was "I don't have any necklaces that look like that ..." then the motherfucker moved!

It was a snake.

I have never had to deal with a snake before.

I don't like snakes. You know, like Indiana Jones.

Snakes are icky.

Any attempts to convert me will be useless. At least I can look at them on TV. momwolf has to avert her eyes and screams to have the channel changed.

So I try to get a better look, although I'm being careful about doing so, since my feet are bare. Bastard slithers away, under my desk. I had to run back to the bedroom to get leather gloves, luckily he didn't go far. I banged on the desk, and although he poked his head out, he wouldn't come out from underneath the drawers. I had to move the desk to uncover him. I then did a Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom grab behind his head, got him too low down on the body and he started biting the glove. Grabbed him in a better place with my off hand.

I suspect we were both traumatized by that point.

I got him outside and tossed him into the grass, telling him not to come back.

It was red, black, and yellow, and probably under 7 inches long, although at the time he seemed much larger than that.

No, I didn't have the presence of mind to take pictures. I was too busy screaming like a girl and throwing him off the porch.

What I'm really worried about is where the heck did he come from, and did he bring friends?