[Nirvana]

> AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
>
>
>
> To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
>
> Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
>
>
> I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
> hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
> threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
> earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather
> important message.
>
> First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you
> to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my
> jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
> reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
> pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it
> that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating
> weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
>
> I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from
> with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking
> bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
> me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come
> help mug us again].
>
> After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
> I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled
> up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas
> station, -- on your credit card.. The guy with the big motor home took 150
> gallons and was extremely grateful!
>
> I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with
> all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
>
> I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked
> at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
> entire driver's side of the car.
>
> Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
> just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little
> over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get
> in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI,
> while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
>
> The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
> while he traced your number etc.).
>
> In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel
> this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
> threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these
> rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
> opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path
> you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so
> lucky.Have a good day!
>
> Thoughtfully yours,
>
> Alex
>
>
> P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil
> society!
>