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Great stuff Clod. Just goes to show: if you build it they will come!
Well, my supervision meeting went really well. Having dumped my cartload of caveats and disclaimers onto his desk he just grinned and said: well that's the point of doing a first draft :P
We discussed the basic themes I'd drawn out and possible structures for the thesis overall, along with other sundry stuff about research plans.
Having re-read it this morning I don't think what I wrote is that bad actually. It's raw, yes, and it needs reworking extensively, but there's a strong core to it. It was quite reassuring to find that when I told him about the difficulties I'd had in terms of finding my voice and figuring out the shape of my ideas, he didn't seem unduly worried by that. This is apparently quite normal when stepping up from undergrad to research thesis, because of the nature of the task. So much of the eventual shape and structure is dependent upon research that isn't done yet and there's so much more of it than with a dissertation, that I'm basically approaching a first chapter which needs to set the scene for later chapters, without actually knowing for sure where the later chapters are going to end up. The research informs the writing and the writing informs the research and that process is ongoing and fluid.
He told me I should be more worried if I am coming up with a perfect first draft: if it can be whipped up with ease at first try then I'm probably not saying something worth saying at this level.
So, I left uni feeling more confident, and with a much clearer idea of where I am taking this, as well as feeling more comfortable with the not knowing in terms of the eventual shape. Am back to being enthusiastic again and feeling like this is something I am capable of; and that my ideas are actually worth exploring in a thesis.
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