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That thought has been voiced by others and is echoed in some written accounts I've found online. Explains the behaviour, doesn't undo the damage.
Mind you now I feel like the drama queen, it's not even my story to tell, but it's making me so mad and helpless ...it's good to rant, thanks all.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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