The Ethical Slut.
A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
2nd Edition updated and expanded.
A very entertaining and informative read so far
(55! pages of reviews here). (not really 55 factorial, come on. 55 wow, ok?) I'm only partway through the second section and I've already gained a lot. One particular paragraph seemed to crystallize my experience:
Quote:
We believe, on the other hand, that friendship is an excellent reason to have sex and that sex is an excellent way to maintain a friendship.
But monogamy-centrist culture affects us all. in single life, we can observe the Land of One-Night stands, in which you go home with each other and share some hot sex, then the next morning you look at each other and decide if the relationship has life-partner potential. If not, you leave, with much embarrassment, and the unspoken rule is that you will never be comfortable with that weighed-in-the-balance-and-found-wanting person again. Sex as audition is detrimental to people and to relationships. It happens because most people have no script for sexual intimacy in the midrange between complete stranger and total commitment.
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Emphasis mine.
I married in haste and repented (and repented and repented) at leisure. I married in haste, because, well, although there weren't any shotguns in attendance, it *was* the next step. I need more steps. I hope to find some ways to identify them in the pages of this book.