Oof... your post contains too many thoughts to effectively reply to it all. I'll just say a few things...
Everything is subjective. You are seeing most of this through your friend's eyes, an not her husband's. That doesn't mean you don't
see what's happening, it just means that your perspective, like your friend's, is limited. For example, you say that your friend didn't nag her husband to get work when he was out of a job. Well, perhaps she asked him 1-2 times a day how the jubhunt was going... out of genuine curiosity, or just as conversation, trying to be supportive. But that kind of thing can be perceived as nagging, even if it's not intended to be... like asking someone on a diet how much weight they've lost so far. It frustrates the effort.
Just remember that you only see what you see. Your friend will leave out details that seem trivial to her, but they could be huge to the husband. Like, maybe she said something innocently, and obliviously, that cut him to the bone, and this is his inappropriate, immature, but self-justified way of getting back at her. No matter what you think, you do not have all of the key information. Nobody does, not even the wife or the husband. And that is probably a big part of the problem here.
I'll wrap up by egotistically quoting myself from another thread:
Quote:
Originally posted by hot_pastrami
The only soul I can speak for is myself, but here's my relationship philosophy, for what it's worth. And it's worked very well for me.
A relationship requires five things to survive:
1. Absolute love.
2. Absolute respect.
3. Absolute honesty.
4. Mutual ackowledgement that relationships require effort (and are worth the effort).
5. Both parties put their partner's feelings first.
If any one of these aspects is missing or incomplete, I know the relationship is doomed. Everything else is just details.
These five things ensure that the parties are compatible, and are both prepared to compromise at all times. If both people put their partner's feelings first, each will get what they want from the relationship without feeling they made any great sacrifice.
Hope that helps you to organize your thoughts on the matter. If not, sorry for wasting your time.
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