[OnyxCougar]

Originally posted by Undertoad
The urge here for everyone is to label one party or the other "good" or "bad" -- "at fault" or "not at fault" -- and then to assume that if one is one, then t'other is t'other.

Did we not learn from McCartney and Wonder?

There is good and bad in everyone.

We learn to live, we learn to give each other what we need to survive.

Together alive! Everybody now!

There are always good and bad in everyone, yes.

And regardless of WHO is good or bad, SHE is the one that is having problems with HIS behavior. You cannot change another person. We can't talk to him, so lets focus on what we can work with. Her.

If he is going to keep on doing these things (seeing this girl, bitching about the friends, not helping her around the house, going places without her all the time) then SHE needs to decide if she likes who she is living with right now, not if she likes the guy she married. Obviously, whatever has happened, whoever is at fault (and I guarantee both are), things are different now.

If she can live with his behavior as it is now, then she needs to shut up and live with it, and quit her bitchin.

If she can't live with it, she needs to be very clear. "I will not live with this behavior. I will leave and take our child with me. Now, we can sit down and discuss this or I will pack up our shit. How would you like to proceed?"

If they "discuss it", she needs to say, "You have agreed to do this, this, and this. If you do NOT do this, this, and this, there is no "talking about it," my child and I are gone. "

When she has had enough of his disrespect, it will come down this way, or similar to this way.

Here's the catch: if she delivers an ultimatum, she MUST be ready to follow through. It CANNOT be empty or idle threats. Have a place to go in the event he doesn't want to discuss things and it's over. Have a plan to get a job to support her and her child. Be ready to do this. Be ready for him to say, "You know what? You're right. I'm not happy, and I'm not going to change, so you know what? Get the fuck out."

If she isn't ready to make the change, she can't deliver the ultimatum. Don't ask the question if you aren't ready for the worst case scenario. If she can live with the WCS, she's good to go.