The Cellar - View Single Post - The Shitjob Chronicles - my personal tales of working with bumfuks

slang · 12-19-2003, 01:27 PM

The Inner Marine

We had a new guy start the other week and he was confused about our beloved MarineGuy. This new guy has a lot of potential of being a good employee, so I did what I could to help him out,

AmishGuy: Hey, is that MarineGuy always like that? I mean....such a pain in the ass?
slang: lol Captain kickass? Yes. Why, what did he do that's buggin' ya?
AmishGuy: He's got a lot of stories, I'll say that. And he's fucking bossy, is he the supervisor here?
slang: Well.......dont tell him, but no. That's ok though, having just completed "boot camp" myself I can give you some pointers. He told me the other day that you're doing really good. That's important to MarineGuy. Dont tell him I told you so though, that kinda goes against the "boot camp" psychology.
AmishGuy: What's that mean?
slang: The working theory is that when you peel away the razor stuble and the smelly clothes, the huge bullshit stories and the loud abnoxious comments, he's an ok guy. But you have to appeal to the "inner marine" in him. He spent about half of his adult life in the Marines. He also goes on and on about seeing combat. But, the important thing is you have to go along with him AND speak his language. At least until you graduate "boot camp", then you can fuck with him just like any other asshead here.
AmishGuy: He challenged me to a fight outside tonight. I think he was serious.
slang: Prolly was.You must have disrespected his authority in some way. You cant do that til you graduate boot camp.
AmishGuy: Ok. When's that?
slang: Well, you're on your way. Taking the initative to do something proactive to avoid downtime helps. So does just taking on more than you can reasonably handle as a newguy. He respects that. Sure, he'll still bark at you sometimes and boss you around, but when the shit hits the fan, you want him backing you up, it's that simple. When he helps you out and at the same time yells at you or calls you a name, you're through boot camp.
AmishGuy: Ok, well I'll look to you for cues.
slang: You just have to understand how he thinks.....and how he talks to other people. He doesnt use the word please and he only understands and respects loud harsh words. Watch and learn Mr Newbie.

slang: (walks down toward MG and pushes by him without saying excuse me or giving a courtesy tap) GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY, YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER!!
MarineGuy: (moves quickly out of the way) SUCK MY ASS, PECKER HEAD!!

After this brief demonstration I came back around to talk to AmishGuy again.

slang: So after the initial rash of bullshit he hurls at you has thickened your skin and he knows you dont pussy out of doing tough things, yer in. Just one last thing, you can spit in his soda and throw powder in his face, you can tell him he's full of shit, and call him a cocksucker, but...... ..........DONT..EVER..SAY..ANYTHING..NEGATIVE..ABOUT..THE..MARINES!!

12-19-2003, 01:27 PM	#23
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	The Inner Marine We had a new guy start the other week and he was confused about our beloved MarineGuy. This new guy has a lot of potential of being a good employee, so I did what I could to help him out, AmishGuy: Hey, is that MarineGuy always like that? I mean....such a pain in the ass? slang: lol Captain kickass? Yes. Why, what did he do that's buggin' ya? AmishGuy: He's got a lot of stories, I'll say that. And he's fucking bossy, is he the supervisor here? slang: Well.......dont tell him, but no. That's ok though, having just completed "boot camp" myself I can give you some pointers. He told me the other day that you're doing really good. That's important to MarineGuy. Dont tell him I told you so though, that kinda goes against the "boot camp" psychology. AmishGuy: What's that mean? slang: The working theory is that when you peel away the razor stuble and the smelly clothes, the huge bullshit stories and the loud abnoxious comments, he's an ok guy. But you have to appeal to the "inner marine" in him. He spent about half of his adult life in the Marines. He also goes on and on about seeing combat. But, the important thing is you have to go along with him AND speak his language. At least until you graduate "boot camp", then you can fuck with him just like any other asshead here. AmishGuy: He challenged me to a fight outside tonight. I think he was serious. slang: Prolly was.You must have disrespected his authority in some way. You cant do that til you graduate boot camp. AmishGuy: Ok. When's that? slang: Well, you're on your way. Taking the initative to do something proactive to avoid downtime helps. So does just taking on more than you can reasonably handle as a newguy. He respects that. Sure, he'll still bark at you sometimes and boss you around, but when the shit hits the fan, you want him backing you up, it's that simple. When he helps you out and at the same time yells at you or calls you a name, you're through boot camp. AmishGuy: Ok, well I'll look to you for cues. slang: You just have to understand how he thinks.....and how he talks to other people. He doesnt use the word please and he only understands and respects loud harsh words. Watch and learn Mr Newbie. slang: (walks down toward MG and pushes by him without saying excuse me or giving a courtesy tap) GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY, YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER!! MarineGuy: (moves quickly out of the way) SUCK MY ASS, PECKER HEAD!! After this brief demonstration I came back around to talk to AmishGuy again. slang: So after the initial rash of bullshit he hurls at you has thickened your skin and he knows you dont pussy out of doing tough things, yer in. Just one last thing, you can spit in his soda and throw powder in his face, you can tell him he's full of shit, and call him a cocksucker, but...... ..........DONT..EVER..SAY..ANYTHING..NEGATIVE..ABOUT..THE..MARINES!!