The Cellar - View Single Post - The Shitjob Chronicles - my personal tales of working with bumfuks

slang · 12-19-2003, 11:51 PM

The Fan

Anyone who has spent any time in an industrial environment is familiar with the standard industrial appliances.One of the most common would be a big fan. In factories, they're used for cooling products and people as well as redirecting air to deflect dust and debris. There is one other use for these fans that only factory workers can truly appreciate, for horseplay or basic revenge.

Towards the middle of the production line, which is about 70 feet long, stands a very powerful large industrial fan. The official purpose of the fan is to cool the sinks as they solidify. Immediately after they are removed from the molds, the sinks are soft but need to harden quickly for the next stage of the process. In about 15 feet, the temp should fall sharply to give the sink "blank" rigidity. To do this requires a enormous flow of air, which is generally regarded as a great thing for those who work in that section of the line. Sometimes it really isnt a good thing for the line workers though, but only sometimes.

Imagine the Walmart fan you might have in your home. The kind that stands on it's own and ocitllates. Now imagine the fan gaurd and blades being 36 inches in diameter instead of maybe 12 or 18. Then imagine, instead of some pussy ass 110 volt 1/8 HP motor, it has a 10 HP motor. The blades in your fan are plastic, the blades in this dude are metal......and have a very aggressive pitch. So much so that when it's running and the other equipment isnt, it sounds like a low flying plane. The gaurd for the blades is also heavy duty stainless steel and extremely strong. I cant say how much thrust it makes but the base that holds the fan unit complete, down to the ground and stable, is a piece of 2" plate steel about 3 foot in diameter. It's a pain in the ass to move. Pretty heavy duty compared to the residential fan, for sure.

This Hurculean fan in itself isnt anything funny, but combined with the particulate matter that constantly settles on it, sets the stage for a very common sink factory gag.

Anyone that has been here for more than a week has seen the potential humor of this awesome fan. When you start shift, before the machines even crank up, the smart line worker turns the fan off then taps the guard. This knocks all the powder that has collected on it, onto the floor without it shooting into your face, as it would if it were running. Over the course of just a few hours though, the dust deposites back into the guard.

The victim of the gag can be anyone. Someone just passing down the line or someone like HoseMan actually working in the immediate area the fan ocilates into. The perpetrator can be anyone that can hit the fan with some type of projectile from any line of sight.

The execution is very simple but hilarious. Hit the fan guard with something hard enough to knock the powder into the fan's airstream but not hard enough to damage the fan guard or blades. The powder falls off the guard and the air shoots it directly into the face or drink of the victim. The duration of the blast is about a second and if you arent paying attention, it's easy to get nailed. The fan sits about 8 feet from the victim and the "snowstorm" is generally thick enough that you cant see through it for the second or so that it's happening.

The aftermath of the snowstorm is generally a light dusting on the skin, contamination of your uncovered drink, and in some rare cases, getting it in your eyes around your safely glasses. Nothing serious because you know what to look for after an attack. Clean your glasses, get a new drink and move on. No biggie.

After this happens a few times you get wise though, and the cackling wiseasses need a new victim. It seems they put some thought into the whole thing though, as I found out the other night. Whenever I work in the danger zone, I keep my eyes open for BigShouldersGuy and HoseMan trying to nail the fan and get me in the process. Anyone can tell they're up to no good by the expressions they hold just before they "fire" at the fan. When I see the suspicious pattern emerging, I take cover. Getting nailed is funny the first 1000 times but gets old after that.

This one night though, there wasnt anyone next to me on the line, so I let my guard down.

UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH!
slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) dammit, you got me.

This happened 2 more times that night and each time was a total surprise. Then it happened again and then I decided I'd been blasted enough.

UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH!
slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!........ HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING ME FROM THAT FAR!!? ( covered with dust for the 4th time in one night )

At this point I see BigShouldersGuy stand up from a kneeling position with something in his hands at a distance of at least 30 feet. He is smiling but not outright laughing like most of the other distant workers.

slang: ( walks over to the smiling BSG ) ( using a bitchy tone) How the fuck are you?
BSG: Ok.
slang: What ya got there smiley?
BSG: A tube.
slang: Yeah? What is it?
BSG: Just something I made on lunch yesterday.
slang: Really!?
BSG: Yep. I really like it

This new toy that he made was a piece of steel tubing 4 feet long with an attachment for a standard high pressure air nozzle and some contraption looking suspiciously like a crude rifle sight.

slang: Thats nice! Looks familiar though. Looks like um.....now I know this sounds silly....a rifle to hit the fan and dust me from long distances.
BSG: TatooHead always said that yer a smart dude.( big wiseass smile )
slang: Do I need to employ counter sniper tactics here at work now, or, worse for you, get captain kickass in on this?
BSG: Hey, lighten up man. It was funny, I'll get someone else now.
slang: You sure do seem to have a lot of spare time.....to make a sniper rifle and all.
BSG: What, you think you're the only guy in the world that can design shit? Actually the hardest part was finding the ammo. Those little rubber stoppers ended up working best, you gotta lube them with the slurry wax first though.
slang: ( hairy eyeball )

12-19-2003, 11:51 PM	#27
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	The Fan Anyone who has spent any time in an industrial environment is familiar with the standard industrial appliances.One of the most common would be a big fan. In factories, they're used for cooling products and people as well as redirecting air to deflect dust and debris. There is one other use for these fans that only factory workers can truly appreciate, for horseplay or basic revenge. Towards the middle of the production line, which is about 70 feet long, stands a very powerful large industrial fan. The official purpose of the fan is to cool the sinks as they solidify. Immediately after they are removed from the molds, the sinks are soft but need to harden quickly for the next stage of the process. In about 15 feet, the temp should fall sharply to give the sink "blank" rigidity. To do this requires a enormous flow of air, which is generally regarded as a great thing for those who work in that section of the line. Sometimes it really isnt a good thing for the line workers though, but only sometimes. Imagine the Walmart fan you might have in your home. The kind that stands on it's own and ocitllates. Now imagine the fan gaurd and blades being 36 inches in diameter instead of maybe 12 or 18. Then imagine, instead of some pussy ass 110 volt 1/8 HP motor, it has a 10 HP motor. The blades in your fan are plastic, the blades in this dude are metal......and have a very aggressive pitch. So much so that when it's running and the other equipment isnt, it sounds like a low flying plane. The gaurd for the blades is also heavy duty stainless steel and extremely strong. I cant say how much thrust it makes but the base that holds the fan unit complete, down to the ground and stable, is a piece of 2" plate steel about 3 foot in diameter. It's a pain in the ass to move. Pretty heavy duty compared to the residential fan, for sure. This Hurculean fan in itself isnt anything funny, but combined with the particulate matter that constantly settles on it, sets the stage for a very common sink factory gag. Anyone that has been here for more than a week has seen the potential humor of this awesome fan. When you start shift, before the machines even crank up, the smart line worker turns the fan off then taps the guard. This knocks all the powder that has collected on it, onto the floor without it shooting into your face, as it would if it were running. Over the course of just a few hours though, the dust deposites back into the guard. The victim of the gag can be anyone. Someone just passing down the line or someone like HoseMan actually working in the immediate area the fan ocilates into. The perpetrator can be anyone that can hit the fan with some type of projectile from any line of sight. The execution is very simple but hilarious. Hit the fan guard with something hard enough to knock the powder into the fan's airstream but not hard enough to damage the fan guard or blades. The powder falls off the guard and the air shoots it directly into the face or drink of the victim. The duration of the blast is about a second and if you arent paying attention, it's easy to get nailed. The fan sits about 8 feet from the victim and the "snowstorm" is generally thick enough that you cant see through it for the second or so that it's happening. The aftermath of the snowstorm is generally a light dusting on the skin, contamination of your uncovered drink, and in some rare cases, getting it in your eyes around your safely glasses. Nothing serious because you know what to look for after an attack. Clean your glasses, get a new drink and move on. No biggie. After this happens a few times you get wise though, and the cackling wiseasses need a new victim. It seems they put some thought into the whole thing though, as I found out the other night. Whenever I work in the danger zone, I keep my eyes open for BigShouldersGuy and HoseMan trying to nail the fan and get me in the process. Anyone can tell they're up to no good by the expressions they hold just before they "fire" at the fan. When I see the suspicious pattern emerging, I take cover. Getting nailed is funny the first 1000 times but gets old after that. This one night though, there wasnt anyone next to me on the line, so I let my guard down. UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH! slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) dammit, you got me. This happened 2 more times that night and each time was a total surprise. Then it happened again and then I decided I'd been blasted enough. UnknownSniper: ( fires a shot into the fan ) TINK! WHOOOOSH! slang: ( looks around and only sees people laughing at some distance ) GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!........ HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING ME FROM THAT FAR!!? ( covered with dust for the 4th time in one night ) At this point I see BigShouldersGuy stand up from a kneeling position with something in his hands at a distance of at least 30 feet. He is smiling but not outright laughing like most of the other distant workers. slang: ( walks over to the smiling BSG ) ( using a bitchy tone) How the fuck are you? BSG: Ok. slang: What ya got there smiley? BSG: A tube. slang: Yeah? What is it? BSG: Just something I made on lunch yesterday. slang: Really!? BSG: Yep. I really like it This new toy that he made was a piece of steel tubing 4 feet long with an attachment for a standard high pressure air nozzle and some contraption looking suspiciously like a crude rifle sight. slang: Thats nice! Looks familiar though. Looks like um.....now I know this sounds silly....a rifle to hit the fan and dust me from long distances. BSG: TatooHead always said that yer a smart dude.( big wiseass smile ) slang: Do I need to employ counter sniper tactics here at work now, or, worse for you, get captain kickass in on this? BSG: Hey, lighten up man. It was funny, I'll get someone else now. slang: You sure do seem to have a lot of spare time.....to make a sniper rifle and all. BSG: What, you think you're the only guy in the world that can design shit? Actually the hardest part was finding the ammo. Those little rubber stoppers ended up working best, you gotta lube them with the slurry wax first though. slang: ( hairy eyeball )