The Cellar - View Single Post - The Shitjob Chronicles - my personal tales of working with bumfuks

slang · 12-20-2003, 02:44 AM

I hadta leave early

Without humor, this whole excercise in futility ( working a shitjob ) would be unbareable. Fortunately for me, there are some people here with a sense of humor. AmishGuy is one of the few that ocassionally say something noteworthy. One of his first nights here I knew we'd at least get along if not be pals. The dialog went something like this:

slang: Hey AmishGuy , there's a horse out here in the side field. Is that your ride?
AmishGuy: Was there a black cart behind it?
slang: No. lol
AmishGuy: Well then, it isnt mine!

Finally, someone with enough brainpower to be funny without demeaning one of the dumb mother fuckers on second shift. Things are getting better.

So AG is on the short list of people I actually say hello to and engage in general small talk. The majority of the psychos and wastelings just bitch about something of absolutely no consequence to themselves or anyone else. Sometimes he surprises me though, like just the other day:

slang: Hey AG, how's it going today?
AmishGuy: Ok. I had to leave early last night though. Christ, I was so fucked up.
slang: Well the flu is going around bad this year and every time I even go into the breakroom I know I'm going to feel sick soon after.
AmishGuy: What the fuck are you talking about, I ran outta beer. Thats why I hadta leave early.
slang: You....ran....out....of ....beer? I dont see the connection between beer and leaving early.
AmishGuy: lol Yeah, I brought a 12 pack to work, put 6 in the toilet tank and 6 in the car. CanMan thought I had the shits. Between the first break, lunch and taking shit breaks, I ran outta beer early......and hadta leave. That was really stupid of me though. I coulda got nailed.
slang: The company frowns on drinking at work.......they're weird like that. You know, I told HRGuy in a mini-meeting yesterday that you're good.
AmishGuy: I am.......but I'm even better after a few beers.
slang: If anyone else asks, I'll just tell them you are a lot less annoying than most of the other guys and have the cognitive ability to be witty on the fly.
AmishGuy: ( checks his fly ) huh?
slang: ( look of disappointment )

He comes up with some real interesting one liners too. They arent "break down and cry" funny but good in comparison to the other simply stupid things some of the other guys think is funny.

As I entered the restroom I saw him at the sink.

slang: ( sees some idustrial toilet cleaner sitting on the shelf.....grabs it and fake pours it into AG's hands at the sink ) Here, you're gonna want something with more horsepower to take the germs off your hands from this fucking place.
AmishGuy: ( pulls his hands away from the fake stream of cleaner ) No thanks man, I dont want to get that on my dick when I jerk off later.

In the sink factory lingo, thats a funny........compared to something really fucking stupid like this:

slang: ( at the beggining of the shift meeting in the breakroom, just saying my general purpose hello ) Good morning.
PaintChipEater: Morning!!?? If it's morning, I guess we can go home. ( laughs at his own stupid joke hysterically.....alone. )
slang: ( look of disbelief that I'm actually working with this guy )

12-20-2003, 02:44 AM	#31
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	I hadta leave early Without humor, this whole excercise in futility ( working a shitjob ) would be unbareable. Fortunately for me, there are some people here with a sense of humor. AmishGuy is one of the few that ocassionally say something noteworthy. One of his first nights here I knew we'd at least get along if not be pals. The dialog went something like this: slang: Hey AmishGuy , there's a horse out here in the side field. Is that your ride? AmishGuy: Was there a black cart behind it? slang: No. lol AmishGuy: Well then, it isnt mine! Finally, someone with enough brainpower to be funny without demeaning one of the dumb mother fuckers on second shift. Things are getting better. So AG is on the short list of people I actually say hello to and engage in general small talk. The majority of the psychos and wastelings just bitch about something of absolutely no consequence to themselves or anyone else. Sometimes he surprises me though, like just the other day: slang: Hey AG, how's it going today? AmishGuy: Ok. I had to leave early last night though. Christ, I was so fucked up. slang: Well the flu is going around bad this year and every time I even go into the breakroom I know I'm going to feel sick soon after. AmishGuy: What the fuck are you talking about, I ran outta beer. Thats why I hadta leave early. slang: You....ran....out....of ....beer? I dont see the connection between beer and leaving early. AmishGuy: lol Yeah, I brought a 12 pack to work, put 6 in the toilet tank and 6 in the car. CanMan thought I had the shits. Between the first break, lunch and taking shit breaks, I ran outta beer early......and hadta leave. That was really stupid of me though. I coulda got nailed. slang: The company frowns on drinking at work.......they're weird like that. You know, I told HRGuy in a mini-meeting yesterday that you're good. AmishGuy: I am.......but I'm even better after a few beers. slang: If anyone else asks, I'll just tell them you are a lot less annoying than most of the other guys and have the cognitive ability to be witty on the fly. AmishGuy: ( checks his fly ) huh? slang: ( look of disappointment ) He comes up with some real interesting one liners too. They arent "break down and cry" funny but good in comparison to the other simply stupid things some of the other guys think is funny. As I entered the restroom I saw him at the sink. slang: ( sees some idustrial toilet cleaner sitting on the shelf.....grabs it and fake pours it into AG's hands at the sink ) Here, you're gonna want something with more horsepower to take the germs off your hands from this fucking place. AmishGuy: ( pulls his hands away from the fake stream of cleaner ) No thanks man, I dont want to get that on my dick when I jerk off later. In the sink factory lingo, thats a funny........compared to something really fucking stupid like this: slang: ( at the beggining of the shift meeting in the breakroom, just saying my general purpose hello ) Good morning. PaintChipEater: Morning!!?? If it's morning, I guess we can go home. ( laughs at his own stupid joke hysterically.....alone. ) slang: ( look of disbelief that I'm actually working with this guy ) Last edited by slang; 12-20-2003 at 09:55 PM.