[Lady Sidhe]

I don't know...the more I look at it, the more it seems that the hitting on the best friend just screwed everything up, and things have been askew ever since. The fact that he never apologized (apologizing isn't the same thing as saying "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry" means "I feel bad about what I did." "I apologize" means "I acknowledge that what I did hurt you." He hasn't done either) engendered a hurt in her that never went away. I think it actually kick-started her depression up again. And now all this with this girl after he'd agreed to stop hanging around with her....

Basically what I see is that he hurt her, and she went into her shell, so he pulled away or whatever, which made her go deeper into her shell because she didn't feel that she could turn to him with her fears and things that made her upset....you have to be able to talk to the person who's supposed to love you more than anyone else, but she can't do that. Whenever she tries, she gets hurt more. I think that was the main reason for writing the email. She didn't want to get hurt again by seeing him roll his eyes or give her that look or tune her out...I understand that. Plus, lately, whenever she talks to him, he's begun to patronize her, which he never, ever did before, and that makes her feel bad, and she ends up getting emotional, and she doesn't want to get emotional when they talk. Getting emotional is contemptible as far as he's concerned. (For anyone who's into astrology, he's a Capricorn, she's a Taurus...that should explain a lot as far as how they view getting emotional.)

It's easy for all of us to take one side or the other....I've tried my best not to, tried to just "report the facts" so to speak. But when you're in that position, the position of feeling like you're losing the person you love more than anyone except your child, it's not that easy tso stay unbiased. All you know is that you're hurting and you don't know what to do to fix it. That's where she's coming from. She had a life she loved, and a man she loved, and when they had their child, it all came together....then the fiasco with the best friend, then the redhead happened, and she feels like her world is falling apart. It's very hard to deal on the one hand with depression, trying to come out of it, and on the other hand, a husband that is helping to fuel that depression, then using it as an excuse to 1.)ignore her (which is the worst thing he could do when she's depressed. She needs to know she can turn to him, not be afraid to turn to him) and 2.)spend time with another woman.

Her husband has NEVER been like this with her. He's always been good to her, for the most part making her happy....now, over the course of a year, he's just done a 180 emotionally, on her, and she's having a hard time figuring out how to handle it.

She's not anorexic. She's not a nag. She's not a shopaholic. She's not a bitch. I'm not saying she's an angel, but dammit, she spoiled that man rotten and treated him the way most men would LOVE to be treated, and he can't even be there for her when she needs him??


She's trying her damndest. He's not. That's one of the reasons I'm behind her. Because she's trying. She's not retaliating by hanging out with other guys to make him jealous. She's not bitching at him about it. She's trying to talk to him about how she feels.

Oh, btw, in reference to an earlier post. She was NOT snooping through his ICQ. She was sitting with her daughter at his computer at work where he said she could sit, while he was working on some other computers. she saw a flashing name she didn't recognize, and looked it up later, and it was this girl. This girl even has a message to him on her ICQ page. Now THAT'S inappropriate. She doesn't spy on him. She didn't even know about this girl until he started talking about it with one of her friends, the one who told her about it. Now considering that this friend was one of the ones that helped them get together, the information-passing was just a heads-up, not an "I'm going to stir up shit," because this friend knows his history, too.



Sidhe