I think your definition of sympathy and mine may be slightly different. I'm not talking about cuddling and making them 'feel good' about the situation. Lessons can come in many forms and sympathy for the hurt need not negate the lesson, it can at times be the best route into talking through why something has happened.
Actually, much of this is because of your earlier post, which I have just reread. I am not sure if you edited it, or if I just misread it the first time, but what it says is that you would not let sympathy show on your face. That's somewhat different to not feeling sympathy, which is what I thought you'd said.
From the dictionary:
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the feeling of being sorry for somebody; showing that you understand and care about somebody's problems
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from wiki
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Sympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings. Also known as empathic concern, it is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier. Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort.[1] Sympathy not only includes empathizing, but also entails having a positive regard or a non-fleeting concern for the other person.[2]
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There are ways of showing sympathy that aren't about making that person feel good. Showing concern, wanting them to be happier yes. But not cuddling them and making it all go away, that's not what I am tallking about at all. Making them hapier would presumably include exploring the whys and hows of what went on, and showing that you understand them, and that the lesson learned is enough.
Also, really, if i have fucked up, the person I go to for sympathy and honesty is my best friend J. Not so he can say 'there there it's all better', but so he can grimace in recognition of where I am at and drink a beer with me. He'll tell me I brought it on myself, but he'll say that in a sympathetic way. In much the same way I do with him when he's fucked up. He doesn't need to underline the lesson for me. I don't need to underline the lesson for him.