[jimhelm]

starting off, i went in to work at 9 am, thinking I was off at 1pm, planning to get my shit together in the afternoon for my trip to Charlotte NC (driving). when i got there i realized i was supposed to be 1-6 pm. fuck! not really convenient to go back home and return, so i just stayed and worked...plenty to do anyway.

then, at 6, fucking Ron sells a goddamn car and keeps me there until 7:45. dick.

so, I finally get out,.... forget my bag, and have to go back for it... stop at the beer store and get myself an Anchor Brewing Single malt one hop Ale. As I am admiring it in the car.. in the 101% humidity, it slips from my grasp, and lands squarely on the console, and erupts like a fucking volcano. ....cup holders filled, phone soaked. Now my goddamned motherfucking sonofabitch phone is inoperable. ...and I'm covered in beer.

motherfucker,

So, I'm trying to get the phone to work, and driving home, and decide that I'd better stop at the King of Prussia Mall and see if they can help me, or sell me a piece of shit phone cheap so I have something for the ride down to Charlotte..... it's 8:47pm as I pull into my parking spot. For some reason, I am inspired to remove the micro SD card as I am getting out of my jeep.... and, naturally, it springs out of it's slot into the darkness.

What
The
Fuck

So I get in the Jeep, back it into the isle, and shine the headlights on the spot where I think it might have gone. (fuck you all, passersby, eat a dick) ....miraculously, after 5 minutes on my fucking knees, I find the cockforsaken thing, holy shit, that's incredible....

So, into the mall I go, sweating like a whore in church..... it's 8:57...Mall closes at 9. Where the fuck is the fucking Sprint Store!?!?!?

oh, it's a hectare away, hidden in an entrance.... you'll never get there in time, dickhole...

and I don't

so, I stop at Blue Pacific and have a beer....why not, I smell like one anyway... and a Spider Roll (fucking highlight of my day right here)

And I drive the fuck home.

drop the phone and battery in a bag of dry rice, say a prayer, and go up to Elverson to get the fucking Commander out of the shop. ( the guy locked it outside the fence so I could pick it up after hours)

....Now.... when he called to tell me it was done, he mentioned that the battery 'seemed a little weak' It's about 5 years old now, and due... but I had not noticed any slow crank, or weakness of the battery, so I told him, that I'd handle that on my own. I don't think I have to tell you what happens next.

So, off to Walmart to get the new battery at 11:30pm. The instal goes surprisingly smoothly, and only takes 15 minutes... (at this point, I'll just assume that the battery will explode some time tomorrow and kill me and those around me.....)... now drive the Green Jeep back to the house and walk the 2 miles to the dealer up and down hills to get the Commander. Return the old battery for credit, and drive back home... it's 1:50 A fucking M.

suck it, Murphy