Hey Sarge, we should set up a charitable fund to get us together!
It may not work out, but at least one of us will have had a holiday
Unselfishly I'd like you to come to the UK, just because being a tour guide is so much fun.
Oh wait - that's selfish!
Anyway.
Can't help at all with this, wish I could.
I have anxiety dreams all the time, about not measuring up, failing, letting people down etc. They're harsh (and before I was on anti-depressants they were debilitating) but I haven't seen what you have.
Counselling. If you can get it then go for it.
Or get your GP to write prescription for me to come and rub your old bones before you sleep.