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1) It may just be the site you're connecting to. If the site you're connecting to is overloaded or has any number of other problems you may see this effect. The speed of communication between your computer and another is gated at the speed of the slowest responding computer.
The next time this happens, open another browser window and try opening another site like yahoo or google.
2) I think there's a setting for AOL to tell it not to autoactivate.
Another idea. Is there an aol icon in the tray area? If so, try right clicking on that and telling aol to exit. My reasoning here is that some part of AOL must already be running in order to notice that a net connection is coming up.
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