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I collected Pilau's ashes today. I put if off for days since they phoned to say they were ready. Then suddenly I thought...what am i doing? I can't keep leaving him there day after day. He hated being at the vets...
Thought it would really upset me, but actually, I feel a bit like I have brought him home. It's a nice feeling.
When I collected them they were in this big, square white box. Not terrible, but a bit cold and clinical looking. And too big.
Got home and knew I had to open it up and look. Was expecting just to see the bag of ashes. Instead there was another, smaller box. Rectangular and completely covered with a forest scene print. Coincidentally it is all of Pilau's colours. From when he was a pup. Rich dark browns, light honey colours and so on. It's lovely.
I feel like I have him here with me. Like...he's physically here now. Tangible. It felt good to hold him. Only a small weight, but a weight nonetheles.
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