[Sundae]

Ali I really wanted to have sex with my boyfriend when I was 15 and he was 16.
We went pretty much all the way there. Unprotected. We were both intelligent, educated and well aware of birth control and how to obtain it, but the sheer rush of hormones at that age is so hard to control. He came from a strict Baptist family, I came from a Catholic one. Neither of our parents ever found out how close we'd come to sex and both would have been appalled. We would have been considered dirty, out of control, bestial.

I can't imagine being on the parental side of the fence. As a 15 yo I thought it natural, wonderful, exciting and the best feeling I had ever experienced. As an adult, wondering whether you are "condoning" something harmful to your child must be agonising.

All I can suggest is keep thinking it through, keep loving him and keep encouraging him to talk, even though that will make him squirm. And for goodness sake encourage him to put one on. Just because this girl is special and right and truthful about protection, not every girl will be. And if he doesn't get in the habit of wearing a condom he's into a statistics game that can have life-changing consequences.

Look at what happened to my niece. She didn't learn first time round and is now going through the baby blues with a vengeance. She's been hit with the clarity hammer; this isn't like grinding away for an exam, where you get a round of applause, a certificate and a nice long rest before starting again. This is now 24/7 responsibility.

He's a good boy and you're a good parent. And very few 15 year old boys behave well to ex girlfriends. Too much testosterone, pride and a certain amount of immaturity (especially as you now know sex was in the mix). You talked to him about it - he'll get through that phase with a woman's perespective on hand. She's obviously forgiven him for that part at least.

Try not to hurt yourself too much over this.