[Lamplighter]

BusinessDay
9/13/12
THE INSIDER: Governmentium — the heaviest known element

"The CSIR in collaboration with the Large Hadron Collider
has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element is Governmentium (Gv).

It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and
198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that normally takes
less than a second to require four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years.
It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium,
an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium
since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced."

This discovery has been scientifically confirmed in Switzerland...

Newser
Kevin Spak
9/10/12

CERN Wants Even Bigger Large Hadron Collider

The Large Hadron Collider just isn't large enough for CERN.

The Geneva-based team that found the Higgs boson has set its sights
on bigger and better things—emphasis on the bigger—and is now proposing
replacing the current collider, which runs through 17 miles of tunnel,
with a new one that's a full 50 miles long, the Daily Mail reports.

This new collider would study a host of new physics mysteries,
including how gravity works on a particle level.
"We have a wild new frontier of physics to explore," one physics professor
involved in the decision said. "We can do some of that work by upgrading the LHC,
but in the end it will need a more powerful machine."

The bad news: the new collider likely wouldn't be finished until 2025.