[infinite monkey]

Fart pads.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-mo...rn-inventions/

In point of fact, they are not effective, as numerous reviews state. Maybe some of the dark wind blows through the filter and is neutralized, but like the dreary mist bringing forth horrors in that Stephen King movie, so too do your butt yawns tend to spread and encompass a vast swath of real estate. The only real way this idea could work would be if, instead of making it a pad for your underwear, it was more like a cigarette filter for your ass and you applied it directly to the hole, like some kind of deranged monocle right there at ground zero where nothing can escape, just looking out and getting fogged up every so often. But of course that's hardly practical and would likely require much more dexterous sphincter muscles than many of us have managed to develop.