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The real deal for keychain psychanalysis is this ...
I have a theory I call diagnosis by accessory. Part of my job is to go through people's stuff and log it into the safe.
Certain psychological issues often manifest themselves in the things people carry.
Schizophrenics have lots of little bits of useless crap tucked either into their pockets or purses. Old cigarette butts are a favorite, straw wrappers, church flyers and religious tracts, and their last twenty years worth of electrical bills.
Crazy old ladies have thousands of dollars. In bank envelopes. Many for banks that went out of business in the mid-80s. These envelopes are hidden in various secret comparments in her purse, and it takes you three fucking HOURS to find all the hidey holes in the lining of that black pocketbook with the snap closure that's she's had since Eisenhower was president.
Bipolar Disorder, Manic Women carry LARGE purses that contain everything they might possibly need at every given moment. (Males may have briefcases or messenger bags).
People with Antisocial Personality Disorder, the career criminal type, all carry those wallets with the chain attached to them that you snap or hook to your belt.
Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosable in two ways. One is the existance in a person's suitcase or plastic bag collection of a stuffed animal. It does not have to be a bear. It can be any plush comfort item. One of our most famous borderline patients had a pig named "Chucky". We'd come into the office and see a pile of crap with this pig on the top and say "Oh, when did Pam get in?"
The OTHER diagnosable item for borderlines is the keychain (this is what you've all been waiting for). The number and size of non-key items is important. Storetags do not count in this assessment. borderlines have all kinds of shit hanging off their keychain. There may be one or two keys on the chain o' stuff, but always far fewer keys than fobs. There will be souvenier items from various places, and a lot of those "message" key tags from Spencer Gifts, particularly ones with statements indicating that men are bad or stupid, as well as one identifying the holder of the keys as either "princess," "diva," or "bitch." There may be at least one mini clothing item ... shoe, leather jacket, hat.
Just as not every schizophrenic sees things and hears voices, not everyone with the above disorders carries the above diagnostic items. But I do have a high degree of accuracy with my diagnosis by accessory theory.
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