[slang]

Bob's 4 barrel buffer


One thing that's really different about the shitjob world is the swapping of stations so frequently. It makes sense in several ways but it's still annoying. If someone doesnt show, which is often, then someone else has to do that particular step in the process. The process of manufacturing, at least in this case, is all live. It's all time sensitive because of the curing time of the marble. Once it's poured you cant unpour it to stop. You have to finish each step in sequence.

In the engineering or design process of any given product, if someone doesnt show for a day or more, it's nothing that cant be managed and worked around. This is one of the hardest parts of the shitjob world to deal with. Everything is live action and sequencial. It sucks enough doing the job you normally do, but just when you get good enough at it to make it bearable, you have to cover another position.

So anyway, I get switched the other day to buffing. The upside is that there are a lot fewer knuckleheads to clash with, the noise level is a lot lower and it's a lot less dangerous. The downsides are that the dust will eventually find it's way onto every inch of your skin, they are consistently overloaded with work, and there are fewer knuckleheads to help you out.

I hit the scene with TylerDurden busting ass on the buffing line.

TylerDurden: Hey, where's MarineGuy.....dont tell me all I got tonight is you.

slang: MG's having his head surgically removed from his ass but he'll be in tomorrow whether the procedure was successful or not.

TylerDurden: Funny. They tell me you're funny but that you're a pussy ass when it comes to actually working.

slang: I appreciate your confidence in my ability. Got any suggestions as to how we can keep up with a comic pussy ass filling in for two regulars?

TylerDurden: (heavy sarcasm) Yah, why dont you see if Bob will loan you the beast. He'll know what you mean.

Bob is the senior guy in the plant and he's kinda bitchy. He's a no bullshit kinda guy and he appreciates a little respect and a lot of results. So naturally, he doesnt get along with a lot of the knuckleheads. The rumor is that hes been there for 30 years. If that's true, he's seen a lot of change in the company policy and a lot of people filtering in and out of the plant. I've always listen to his advice no matter how strange it might seem at the moment. The guy knows what's what.

slang: Hey Bob, Tyler says I should ask you to borrow the beast for this shift because we're down 2 regular buffers.

So I get the typical Bob nod and we both walk to his stash cabinet.

Bob: (looking very serious) Now I'm going to tell you this and I tell everyone that uses this monster the same thing. Some listen to me and some dont. You seem like a sharp guy and can understand what I'm going to tell you.............this buffer is high performance and can be dangerous to the user. On top of that, you can fuck up the product if you arent careful. This motherfucker is not a playtoy.

slang: Ok, Bob. I believe you. Do I need some special training or insurance?

Bob: No, just try it right here and now and I'll give you some pointers if you need 'em.

slang: Fair enough.

So I picked up this chromed buffer and connected the air. Bob was watching me attentatively and I gently squeezed the trigger and let off.

G-r-r-r-r---waah.

The vanes in the air motor groweled distinctly as I tested it out. It sounded like a 2 stroke motorcycle at low RPM and the muffler was different from all the others. The beast was quite a bit louder too. Then I snapped the trigger wide open then quickly backed off. The inertia jerked my arm unexpectedly and I actually felt the chill of adrenalin.

slang: What_the_fuck........... did you do to this thing?(grinning ear to ear) This has got to be twice as fast and powerful as the other buffers.

Bob: (chuckling) I put a 4 barrel carb in it. (starting to walk away ) Don't get hurt and.......(cold glaring stare).....I want it back in the cabinet when you're done with it.

slang: Do you charge a rental fee or a deposit?

Bob: No....you're either entrusted with the beast.............or you're not. There is no negotiation.

I went back to the line and started working on the tops as usual. The monster's high speed and power was a definite advantage and we were caught up in no time. It actually made the work fun.

TatooHead: I thought I heard Bob's beast shrieking back here. He knows you're using it, right?

slang: Well he got it out for me.....and....you dont think he wouldnt have heard it himself and reclaimed it if he didnt want me to use it?

Tatoohead: Good point. It's just that he doesnt lend it out much, you must be in his graces today.