[Sundae]

It's what I've said all along.
I have made my own problems, but getting help with them has been so tricky.
If you're a smoker trying to give up, you practically get a goody-bag of products, weekly support meetings, tests, advice, the lot. But since last September the main treatment I've received from my GPs was "Okay, stop drinking. Close the door on your way out please."

It was only when my health started deteriorating, and I had made multiple appointments (one for each new symptom) that I started getting referred.

Oh, both the meeting with my advocate at SMART and my hospital appointment at Addenbrooke's didn't happen last week. But I've had a letter from Luton hospital (only 1.5 hours away, woohoo!) and am actually waiting for Jenny to call me back re Oasis as I type.

There is a lickle bit of me that hopes the Addenbrooke's cancellation and the Luton appointment are linked. Maybe the cirrhosis isn't as bad as they thought, or the auto-immune issue isn't actually an issue, so I don't need the specialist help from Cambridge after all... See, hope still survives somewhere in this knackered body.

When I'm earning again (soon, please) I am going to get an anchor tattoo. Small, simple - a line drawing really - and hidden. Because hope is what anchors you to life. It will be for Brianna, for sobriety - which I am still chasing - and against despair and the temptation of suicide. And for my Christmateers and everyone here who helps anchor me, too.