[DanaC]

Oh I don;t doubt that there are different developmental paths. I also don't doubt that a lot of parents will see their youngsters playing out a difference that corresponds with expected gender norms (even if they themselves have doubted those norms are anything other than constructed). But there are also parents who don't see their children play out those differences. Quite possibly a similar number.

Also: you are not watching your children from some external vantage point. You are teaching them, from birth, in ways both conscious and unconscious. They are primed to take messages from the adults (first) and other children (next) around them.

There's also the fact that we almost certainly read behaviours differently according to the gender of the person we're observing. Children and adults alike. What may be seen as one behaviour in a little boy, may be read very differently in a little girl. We are not objective and disinterested observers. We see the world through our own lenses.

My brother's two kids are very different from each other in temperament and personality. There are some similarities but they are very different. Sophie, for example, is absolutely fearless and always has been. The first to try something that seems dangerous and loves physical activities. Amelia was always a little more cautious and less physical.

If they were a boy and a girl, those differences may well appear to be gender based. Just as the difference in how the two girls approach social situations and the way they build friendships. Amelia seemed very much the way one might expect a little girl to be in how she approached these things. Sophie, however, seemed to build friendships and interact with her friends in a way similar to that described by some as typical of boys.