I still use that line. As "Oh crap, someone broke into your house while you were gone and replaced everything with an exact replica!"
That or "everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." Or "you can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
Steven Wright reversed the peephole on his door. He said he could see people coming from miles away. "Who is it? Who is it going to be when you get here?"
Must've watched his stand up routine a hundred times.
Here are pages and pages of his jokes:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/au...en_wright.html
Excuse me while I go laugh for an hour or so!