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Originally Posted by elSicomoro
DSM-5 killed off the term "Asperger's"...he is diagnosed as having mild autism, but it is what used to be called Asperger's.
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I'm impressed that you (and/or your doctor) know this. You'd be stunned how many medical professionals don't.
The thing about being on the spectrum, it's never outright defiance. They do what they want because they don't care about the rules, but they never do it just to piss you off because they don't care if you're pissed off.
However, ADHD kids often use deliberate defiance, because the emotional drama it causes is a literal stimulant to their brain, it's a subconscious way of keeping up enough energy to function. Personally I view them as two different subtypes that almost never overlap, but often they are hard to distinguish and kids are given both diagnoses.
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Originally Posted by monster
And who doesn't behave for grandparents to get what they want? Aspy and Autistic kids for a start.
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This. Again, a kid on the spectrum is not going to have the instinct to manipulate to this level. They will certainly try to get away with more if allowed to, but they are not going to be better behaved for the purposes of manipulation--unless your in-laws happen to be skilled at subtle behavioral therapy techniques, which I'm betting they're not.
Obviously I don't know your kid. But everything you're saying says you should be approaching this from an ADHD (or maybe bipolar like you mentioned, I don't know as much about that) treatment perspective, not an autism perspective. And I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like he does need more supervision, regardless of why he needs it. Have you ever heard of the "Love & Logic" series?