[monster]

Several days ago I heard something on a "problem page" segment of a crappy breakfast show on a crappy radio station that really stood out and stayed with me.

A guy wrote that he'd reconnected via facebook with a female former coworker with whom he had got on very well as a friend (not GF), had given her his cell# and they'd chatted once (with the knowledge of his wife) and enjoyed catching up and reminiscing.

Then, much later, out of the blue, she'd texted him asking if he would be free to talk privately. He was uncomfortable so just ignored that and the subsequent text. His wife found out and was mad. He felt he'd done the right thing by not responding to the coworker.

The male DJ and male callers agreed. the female DJ and female callers did not, although they weren't very good as explaining why. The (male) psychologist sided with the women and had this to say (and I paraphrase)

Your plan means nothing until you have to defend it. We all make plans. To lose weight, to get a better job etc. but until you have to defend it, it is meaningless. You say you're on a diet. but that's easy when you're at home and you clear out all the junk food. What about when you're at work an the boss wants to celebrate your birthday with a cake? you take a piece to be polite, you didn't defend your plan.

In this case the plan was marriage -to stay with and be faithful to one person. The guy didn't do anything that wasn't compatible with the plan, but neither did he defend The Plan when he suspected the action requested of him wasn't compatible with the plan. He didn't say "no, this is not appropriate......" "this makes me feel uncomfortable'.... "I'm not sure what you want to chat about but I am happily married...." etc.