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Sorry monster, but I'm glad for you that you're making a decision with your eyes open. It sounds like this is best.
Completely different circumstances, but there are parallels: My FIL had been holding on to his independent living apartment while he's in the nursing home wing, just hoping that he'll get strong enough to go back to that apartment. He decided last week that he'll give up the apartment because he realizes that this is his new reality. But the good news is that it's a huge burden off his shoulders because he's not feeling that pressure to reach a goal that's unrealistic. He's in such a better mental state now. Like a changed man.
I'm sorry that you are giving up this part of your life, but I'm hopeful for you that by getting rid of unrealistic goals, you are happier without that unnecessary pressure on yourself.
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