You say you
love me but you were not around for 90% of my cognitive life and I'm now an entirely different child. My memory of you is extremely different from what you are now. If you were dad I may feel that you have some level of authority over me that I am not supposed to deny, and yet I know you should not, and this is very confusing. It kind of rekindles the time when we had a relationship of some sort, and then you went away, and I did not have the development to comprehend that, and that was very bad for me.
Now everything feels weird. My first, second, and third reaction is where's mom? She will help me understand how to feel about this, and her very first reaction will be the biggest emotional guidance I get. If she reacts negatively, this will now be a little frightening, and will be memorable, as a slightly confusing and emotionally troubling incident. It recalls the instability I had when I was 6, which are feelings I never want to have again. It may even color my future relationships with the opposite sex, as I learn to expect a "normal" that is filled with strange instability and men who come and go (you're not the only one!) and people having weird emotional reactions around me and demanding weird emotional reactions back that I don't have.
That seems like something a professed parent should not do to me. On the other hand, perhaps I am just old enough to start experimenting with rebelling against mom, and what a fine tool this would be in my arsenal. It won't help my development to freak her out, but I may experience it as fun! Yay for unstable relationships.
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To be frank I am not interested in an ethical debates about whether I have a right to do it or should
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I think you lose that one immediately and it's over and it's hard for you to handle that. But it sets up red flags for me. Your own emotional condition is the only one that matters here. The 10 year old, well it may go ok for him or may go horribly wrong, but he doesn't get a say, because it's way more important for you to resolve YOUR emotions.
Something which this event will surely not accomplish, by the way.
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I want to grasp how he might experienced [my void].
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Dude. It's a very complicated emotional reaction and he was 6 years old. This is all about you.
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finish my immigration process
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How would a legal restraining order affect that process? I don't know the law, but I would expect you can get one for contacting a 10-year-old without parental consent.