I’m alive. I don’t have much computer time these days.
That canoe trip was one of those days that defines a summer, despite capsizing canoes and people freaking out and bailing out (as in terminating trip and having someone come get them.) My partner and I did capsize but did not bail. Many beers were lost. All the food was lost from another guy’s canoe. My phone was OK because I had it in a plastic bag but it still took a day to work again. I also jumped from a 20 foot ledge into a quarry (the only girl on the trip who would do it), four times. Yeah, I’m fearless. Except about life in general.
I spent the night at my friends’ house due to the many beers that were not lost. When I woke up my car was gone. It was recovered 2 weeks later in a town 2 ½ hours from here. My purse and laptop were permanently lost. Had to replace license and checking account. Lost some pictures that were important to me, one being a picture I'd gotten from my ex sis-in-law's at my ex father-in-law's recent funeral. It was a picture of me and mom and dad.
Why did the thieves (thief?) need to take my purse? Take what you want out of it and leave it there.
It was a nightmare but I am glad I got my car back. It still makes me sick that I spend my days helping alleged criminals get an attorney, but karma doesn’t dictate that I don’t also get to be the victim of those who apparently deserve to take things I’ve worked hard for. Thus, my job gets me down, though I don’t take it out on the clients. Though sometimes…ugh.
I am working crazy hours…around 50 a week but that’s not the problem, I know many of you could do that standing on your head. It’s that my hours are so spread out. 9-3 at the day job and then either 7 or 9 until 1 a.m. at the other. And still I struggle. Part of that is my inability to deal with life in general, which I tend to blame on my depression. Ah yes, the depression. I’ve been off any sort of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety for months and I thought I was doing really well. The depression is a recidivist (like many of our clients.) I’ve entered a bad place and I really tell myself that those times never last but it seems to be hanging around a couple of days here and it’s throwing me because every time I think I’ve got it together I realize I don’t. Who knows, in a couple of days I might be on Cloud 9,999. It’s a tricky sumbitch. I don't think my screwed up Circadian Rhythm Section (formerly Atlanta) helps that either. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Anyway, I appreciate that there are those who care if I’m still in this world. I’ll try to check in again soon, in a better mental condition, and tell you of my hopes for my immediate future.