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It does seem to be asked more of women I think.
And there is a lot of social stigma still around not having children. For women - doubt it's as strong for men.
Consider her points about not knowing that person's story. It's a fucking dangerous question to ask imo. You may very well be trampling on something painful by asking. Or you may be putting that person in a really uncomfortable position because they don't really know what they want to do yet - or they know, more or less, that they don't want kids (as in my case) and are made to feel somehow like they need to explain and excuse that lack of desire for children.
If you ask a guy if he has kids and he says no - or if he wants kids,and he sas no. That's pretty innocuous on the whole. There isn't a truckload of societal judgement waiting to land on his head.
As a woman I have always been asked about children.Whether I have them. Whether I plan to have them. And when the answer to the first question is no, there is an uncomfortable moment. Because when a woman (and it usually is women) asks me if I have kids and I say no - I can almost see the question cross her face (oh fuck - is she unable to have kids?).
It's getting less so - both as I get older, and as society becomes marginally less traditional in its views of motherhood and marriage- but it's still there.
I learned after a while, to just say 'no - never wanted any', to stave off that look of nascent pity. Though that still left people feeling like that knew much better whether or not I wanted kids. I have lost count of the number of times, when I was younger, that other women responded to my stated desire not tohave children by telling me, there's time yet, and never say never.
A guy who says he doesn't want kids,isjust a guy who doesn;'t want kids. A women who says she doesn't wantkids is automatically somewhat suspect. Either there is something wrong with her that means she can't have kids - or she's not really woman enough.
I have had a guy tell me that a woman isn't really a woman until she's had a child.
The stuff where young couples get ambushed about their plans for kids is excruciating in my experience. It can be the equivalent of a giant wooden stirring spoon for that couple. If theyhaven't figured it out yet and if they are not really on the same page - that shit can get very intrusive.
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