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"When" is never a part of the question, in my book. That's incredibly presumptive. I would only ever phrase it as, "Are you interested in having kids, or no?" "When" brings any topic into judgment territory, I'm not a fan of the word.
And I would definitely never ask in front of the significant other, married or dating. They may not agree, or may not have talked about it. I'm not in the habit of asking "Tell me about your most recent fight," either.
I do understand a little bit, though, the "never say never" instinct. I wouldn't say it out loud, as some people apparently do, but the fact is a majority of babies--not just pregnancies, but the ones actually carried to term--remain unplanned, even in this day and age. Those women are most likely remembering how much they didn't want kids at some point in their lives. If at some point you do find yourself with a kid, you will feel incredibly, incredibly guilty about every time the phrase, "I don't want kids" passed your lips. It's hormonal and you won't be able to help it. Saying "I'm not interested" or "it's never been a part of my plan" or "it's not right for me, but I love my nieces and nephews," is safer, both psychologically and conversationally. Taking a hard stand on anything is almost a jinxing guarantee that you'll have to do it someday, in my experience.
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