[DanaC]

I agree. And, for the most part I tend to treat such enquiries in the spirit thet are meant. And when women have said to me, never say never - I've generally agreed with that sentiment. In truth that was generally my own stance - that I knew I didn't want children, but that I didn't know what lay around the corner in life. I've always been of the opinion that if I had suddenly found myself pregnant I'd have risen to the challenge.

But there was a brief period when I had really given it some serious thought - whether to try and pursue a path to parenthood and had some difficult times coming to a decision on that. When I reached a kind of settled peace about it, and felt like I really did know my own mind on this issue, I really didn't appreciate people (mum included) keep throwing the never say never stuff at me. It's like - I've been wrestling with this shit and am finally free of the 'will I won't I?' internal conversation and identity level questions, so seriously, fuck off throwing indecision and uncertainty back into the mix. I didn't arrive at my conclusion without thought and a degree of self-examination. I really, really didn't care for the 'be careful, you might change your mind when it's too late' type advice. Because that had basically been the biggest fear I'd had about not having children. That was the thing I'd struggled most with - the fear of changing my mind too late. Fear of regret. Thanks awfully for re-opening that line of enquiry, later that night at 3am when I can't sleep.

Never said any of that, natch. Generally I am more concerned with what people intend than I am with any inadvertant toe-stepping they may do in the process.

The worst was when people would ask me and Jude when we were going to have kids, given we'd been together for years. *chuckles* that was friends and acquaintances - family generally didn't ask us that. I think they were generally praying we wouldn't :P I always hated that question. It was a tension issue for us.