[Sundae]

Right.
Been accepted back to rehab/ therapy.

There aren't any options for residential therapy - at least none that I've been made aware of. Where I was in December 2014 was effectively a holding pen, to keep non-criminals in until they're no longer a danger to themselves or others. No therapy, classes, advice given.

Going back into the place I was in before (trying not to mention searchable names) is possible as I have a history of addiction, even though I am not attending for current addiction issues. Last time I was there, there were people who had been sober/ teetotal/ non-users for 1 year plus. But it's intensive and residential, which is marvellous. You don't travel for miles for a half hour session once a week, and there is always someone there to help if you have two-o'clock-in-the-morning-thoughts.

Added to that of course are facilities to do your own laundry, private baths and showers, three meals a day, weekly quiz nights and all that and everything.

But it's the classes, the therapy and the help that I am really in need of.
I f*cked up last time.
I did.
I saw alcohol as the only real issue, and in fact it was really only a symptom.
This time I am going to work on me. Instead of being scared of coming out, I can't wait. Instead of avoiding coming back to Otley I intend to embrace it, working on getting my flat habitable. I can't wait until I am at the point where I start volunteering - I especially want to work with horses, as they have a partnership with Hope Pastures (rehab for horses). That may never lead to paid work, but that was the wrong way to look at things before, and I won't do it again.

I don't care if I have to shovel poop and it will never pay a living wage. I will be of some use to someone (or something) somewhere.

I was officially accepted back after an official assessment today.
My admittal date is still to be arranged. Finance has to be agreed and organised (it's a medical decision, so it WILL be, but it may take time) and there has to be a vacancy. But I am so full of hope today.

There are things I need to organise. Not least the rats. Which I am deliberately not thinking about today because I don't want this to be a negative thing.
Also having post redirected, which is expensive but means at the very least I won't feel sick going back to the flat when I am allowed, fearing unexpected bills.
And I have to contact the electricity people to see if I can arrange a hiatus - I know it can be done when properties are unoccupied for reasons of health, but I hate hate hate dealing with authorities. However the alternative would be worse - coming back to a bill just when I'd got myself back on track!

I'll let y'all know when I have a date.
The usual suspects will have my new details. I have plenty of everything I need, but unless things have changed I may be out of contact for a while.
Look out for reports in the Yorkshire Evening Post (online, obvs) of enormously fat squirrels in Leeds.