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Originally Posted by limey
This may seem glib, and addresses only one point, but why not answer with "the 'true' answer" of what you are actually feeling at that point, rather than analysing what might happen with this or that answer and then picking one? Which, of course, is asking you to give up control. But if you choose to do that, aren't you still in control - choosing not to be?
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I think mostly because I know the "truth" is really fickle for me, to the point of Heisenberg uncertainty. Name literally any emotion in response to a subject, and I can see how part of me feels that way. The moment I consider whether I feel sad about a thing, I can no longer differentiate what it
would feel like to be sad about that, and what it
does feel like to be sad about it. Yes, it's legitimate to feel multiple things at the same time, but feeling everything all the time is not helpful information.
Like you guys remember when my cousin got horribly attacked earlier this year? It was super upsetting, and I definitely felt upset. Also, literally 3 hours after I heard the news, I made a straight-up joke about him getting stabbed in the neck. And also I was crying. And also I laughed. And also I was irritated, like "great, now we're going to have to drag this uncertainty and worry out for months of recovery, I hope he just dies now to get it over with." And also I was guilty for thinking that. And also I didn't really feel conflicted about any of these things, because I knew none of it mattered, I still had to cook dinner that night. Sorting out my feelings has always been a colossal waste of time for me, because the answer is always, "yes, I feel that. Now get back to work."
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Originally Posted by footfootfoot
I will say that it helps a lot if you respect your therapist even if you are way smarter than them. And it doesn't hurt if you decide you are ready to accept help graciously. That said, you may go to a lot of intake interviews before you find the foot that fits the shoe, so to speak.
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I know. And I really did try last time. Like I said, I made a happy place, I did all the exercises she told me to do, genuinely gave all of it the old college try for 9 straight months. And I'm more than willing to accept that others are better at it than she was. But the idea of multiple intake interviews exhausts me so much--I typed all that out, and now I have to recite some version of it again and again, for a dozen different people? I'd rather just live with my problems.