Who has the most dysfunctional relative?

Clodfobble · 11-25-2010, 08:24 PM

I wanna hear your Thanksgiving stories.

Me, I've got a step-grandfather (married to my grandmother for some 30-ish years, but never accepted as anything resembling a paternal relative by anyone in the family.) He's a poet, which is to say he's earned several hundred dollars over the decades for poetry, supplemented by things like working at Kinko's and collecting disability and my grandmother's social security. He wears a yellow beret everywhere, gives away copies and booklets of his poems at every opportunity, including this Thanksgiving, and is liable to start reciting them if you're not careful.

The best quote from him this evening had to do with why one particular poem in this booklet he passed out to us was so special. "I had to be magical when I was writing that," he said. "I mean, I always have to be magical for my poetry, but I tried extra hard to be magical on that one. I made a vow to the muses that, in exchange for my poetic gifts, I would never take any name other than the one my mother gave me. That's important, you see, because as a Pagan there are many rituals in which you are given a new name. And it was sometimes awkward with people, but I just had to explain to them the vow I'd made, and how I needed to keep my one true name because I had to be magical all the time."

Cloud · 11-25-2010, 08:30 PM

is his name Merlin?

I think I'm the most dysfunctional relative in our family, actually. I've refused to have anything to do with Thanksgiving for years.

monster · 11-25-2010, 08:31 PM

You got me beat. We're mostly estranged. My mother doesn't know about Thor (aged 9) It works. No disfunction

monster · 11-25-2010, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

You got me beat. We're mostly estranged. My mother doesn't know about Thor (aged 9) It works. No disfunction

Thor being the only American in the family an us being the only family in the USA, Thanksgiving doesn't cause us to be nuttier than normal

footfootfoot · 11-25-2010, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I wanna hear your Thanksgiving stories.

Me, I've got a step-grandfather (married to my grandmother for some 30-ish years, but never accepted as anything resembling a paternal relative by anyone in the family.) He's a poet, which is to say he's earned several hundred dollars over the decades for poetry, supplemented by things like working at Kinko's and collecting disability and my grandmother's social security. He wears a yellow beret everywhere, gives away copies and booklets of his poems at every opportunity, including this Thanksgiving, and is liable to start reciting them if you're not careful.

The best quote from him this evening had to do with why one particular poem in this booklet he passed out to us was so special. "I had to be magical when I was writing that," he said. "I mean, I always have to be magical for my poetry, but I tried extra hard to be magical on that one. I made a vow to the muses that, in exchange for my poetic gifts, I would never take any name other than the one my mother gave me. That's important, you see, because as a Pagan there are many rituals in which you are given a new name. And it was sometimes awkward with people, but I just had to explain to them the vow I'd made, and how I needed to keep my one true name because I had to be magical all the time."

Repo Man:

Quote:

Otto: You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

Griff · 11-25-2010, 08:46 PM

Everyone was on their best behavior today. It had a weird Norman Rockwell feel to it. It kinda freaks me out reflecting on it.

Nirvana · 11-25-2010, 09:28 PM

My family does not have to get together to be dysfunctional. Some call each other up on holidays and then they can be dysfunctional long distance.

Tulip · 11-25-2010, 10:52 PM

We came late cuz I swear the evite my cousin sent was for 1/2 hour later. So the picture taking and gathering and chatting occurred when we hadn't come yet. My nephew got tired so we left early, and that's when they took the drinks out. So, basically, we came, ate, then left without socializing. I don't think we were in any of the happy pictures. (My cousin already posted them in FB.)

Nopes, no dysfunction, or at least nothing extreme. There was in incident where a toddler tripped and cried. Her uncle remarked she would've been hurt except her rolls broke her fall.

I turned to look but still couldn't understand what the heck he was talking about.

Gravdigr · 11-26-2010, 02:40 AM

My cousin set me up in a dope deal and caused me to go to prison. All the legal trouble I've ever been in, family got me there.

Gravdigr · 11-26-2010, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tulip

Her uncle remarked she would've been hurt except her rolls broke her fall.

I turned to look but still couldn't understand what the heck he was talking about.

Rolls. Of fat.

morethanpretty · 11-26-2010, 07:40 AM

I have a druggie/alcoholic cousin who had 3 kids that my aunt (her mom) finally has legal custody to. Cousin should have no contact with the family anymore, especially to the kids. Her mom keeps giving her 1 more chance...

Yesterday she was not allowed at Thanksgiving (her sister/my other cousin forbids it), but she did call her mom that evening. She was either drunk or high or both, was outside her mom's house and wanted her mom to come home to hold onto her camera so she won't lose it (she took some photography classes and has a really nice camera). Instead of just calling the cops, her mom was going to actually go and try to take the dumb bitch to the hospital. Stupid because that will take hours, means foisting the kids off on someone else, and the dumb bitch might hurt her mom is she doesn't get what she wants. So her other 2 daughters were trying to talk their mom out of going....
It was at that point my family decided to leave.

I know that I still don't have the most dysfunctional family/family member. There is a very good reason why we didn't go to my b/f's for Thanksgiving, and he is trying to avoid it for Christmas also.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-26-2010, 07:50 AM

You people are so judgmental of your alternative-functional relatives.
Don't forget to them, you're alternative-functional.

morethanpretty · 11-26-2010, 08:42 AM

You're right bruce, all dumb bitch cousin wants is for us to cook meth and beat our kids together.

Trilby · 11-26-2010, 08:52 AM

wow, Clod, that guy's got everything! A magical Pagan beret-wearing poet who is completely unbearable!

Gravdigr · 11-26-2010, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

wow, Clod, that guy's got everything! A magical Pagan beret-wearing poet who is completely unbearable!

Does he ride a unicorn?

11-25-2010, 08:24 PM	#1
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Who has the most dysfunctional relative? I wanna hear your Thanksgiving stories. Me, I've got a step-grandfather (married to my grandmother for some 30-ish years, but never accepted as anything resembling a paternal relative by anyone in the family.) He's a poet, which is to say he's earned several hundred dollars over the decades for poetry, supplemented by things like working at Kinko's and collecting disability and my grandmother's social security. He wears a yellow beret everywhere, gives away copies and booklets of his poems at every opportunity, including this Thanksgiving, and is liable to start reciting them if you're not careful. The best quote from him this evening had to do with why one particular poem in this booklet he passed out to us was so special. "I had to be magical when I was writing that," he said. "I mean, I always have to be magical for my poetry, but I tried extra hard to be magical on that one. I made a vow to the muses that, in exchange for my poetic gifts, I would never take any name other than the one my mother gave me. That's important, you see, because as a Pagan there are many rituals in which you are given a new name. And it was sometimes awkward with people, but I just had to explain to them the vow I'd made, and how I needed to keep my one true name because I had to be magical all the time." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

11-25-2010, 08:30 PM	#2
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	is his name Merlin? I think I'm the most dysfunctional relative in our family, actually. I've refused to have anything to do with Thanksgiving for years. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

11-25-2010, 08:31 PM	#3
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	You got me beat. We're mostly estranged. My mother doesn't know about Thor (aged 9) It works. No disfunction __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-25-2010, 08:46 PM	#6
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Everyone was on their best behavior today. It had a weird Norman Rockwell feel to it. It kinda freaks me out reflecting on it. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

11-25-2010, 09:28 PM	#7
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	My family does not have to get together to be dysfunctional. Some call each other up on holidays and then they can be dysfunctional long distance. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

11-25-2010, 10:52 PM	#8
Tulip Professor Join Date: May 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 1,293	We came late cuz I swear the evite my cousin sent was for 1/2 hour later. So the picture taking and gathering and chatting occurred when we hadn't come yet. My nephew got tired so we left early, and that's when they took the drinks out. So, basically, we came, ate, then left without socializing. I don't think we were in any of the happy pictures. (My cousin already posted them in FB.) Nopes, no dysfunction, or at least nothing extreme. There was in incident where a toddler tripped and cried. Her uncle remarked she would've been hurt except her rolls broke her fall. I turned to look but still couldn't understand what the heck he was talking about.

11-26-2010, 02:40 AM	#9
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	My cousin set me up in a dope deal and caused me to go to prison. All the legal trouble I've ever been in, family got me there. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

11-26-2010, 07:40 AM	#11
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	I have a druggie/alcoholic cousin who had 3 kids that my aunt (her mom) finally has legal custody to. Cousin should have no contact with the family anymore, especially to the kids. Her mom keeps giving her 1 more chance... Yesterday she was not allowed at Thanksgiving (her sister/my other cousin forbids it), but she did call her mom that evening. She was either drunk or high or both, was outside her mom's house and wanted her mom to come home to hold onto her camera so she won't lose it (she took some photography classes and has a really nice camera). Instead of just calling the cops, her mom was going to actually go and try to take the dumb bitch to the hospital. Stupid because that will take hours, means foisting the kids off on someone else, and the dumb bitch might hurt her mom is she doesn't get what she wants. So her other 2 daughters were trying to talk their mom out of going.... It was at that point my family decided to leave. I know that I still don't have the most dysfunctional family/family member. There is a very good reason why we didn't go to my b/f's for Thanksgiving, and he is trying to avoid it for Christmas also. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

11-26-2010, 07:50 AM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You people are so judgmental of your alternative-functional relatives. Don't forget to them, you're alternative-functional. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-26-2010, 08:42 AM	#13
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	You're right bruce, all dumb bitch cousin wants is for us to cook meth and beat our kids together. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

11-26-2010, 08:52 AM	#14
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	wow, Clod, that guy's got everything! A magical Pagan beret-wearing poet who is completely unbearable! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)