Victory Declared in War on Poverty!

[SamIam]

VICTORY DECLARED IN WAR ON POVERTY

In a stunning announcement, President Obama and House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor, stated that due to a new bi-partisan compromise between the White House and Congress, many of the poor have finally begun to surrender to Homeland Security and Social Security administrators in all 50 states. A major offensive by Homeland Security is also said to be instrumental in defeating the low income forces.

Some hold-outs are still fighting on, however. In New York City’s Central Park, around a 100 homeless people have banded together to throw rocks and empty Pagan Pink Ripple bottles at social service workers who have been trying to round up this particular group for almost a week.

In Minnesota, 187 low income elderly who had been attempting to live on small social security pensions, massed on the steps of the state capital in Greed City. These old reprobates hailed walkers, canes, and false teeth down on State Legislators who were attempting to enter the building for a vote on a bill which will make poverty illegal in the State of Minnesota.

Approximately 200 disabled New Mexicans who had been living beneath the radar on SSI are believed responsible for New Mexico’s upsurge of guerilla activity. Tourists in Santa Fe have reported being subjected to barrages of small, wooden “Santos” and numerous chile ristas thrown by people in wheelchairs and on power scooters. The gimpy banditos then hobble off down Santa Fe’s winding back streets and disappear. The ATF continues to investigate, but strong resistance in New Mexico’s largely poor and Hispanic mountain communities is not expected to end any time soon.

Meanwhile, in a surprising announcement, Mexico’s president, Felipe Calderón Hinojosa, has offered political asylum to any of America’s poor who can manage to sneak past Homeland Security and cross the border into Mexico. Hinojosa commented, “For years the US has taken in our poor. In these troubled times, it’s the least we can do to return the favor. Besides, here in Mexico, EVERYONE is poor. These poverty stricken gringos will fit right in.”

Republican John Boehner took a quick break from writing a bill that would demoliish the US Interstate system to dismiss Mexico’s offer. Boehner said that the poor will just sneak back across the border along with everyone else, disguising themselves as leaders of Columbian drug cartels to avoid detection. He favors rounding up the poor into Katrina type camps and confiscating their Medicaid and SNAP cards, as well as cancelling any housing vouchers they may have. He has also introduced a bill which will legalize the term “useless eaters” to describe the poor in America.

Boehner states that repealing medical care, food assistance and shelter will hasten the demise of the poor, and thus, speed the final solution for America’s spending on wasteful social programs. In the event of reincarnation, Republicans are also discussing legislation which would make it illegal for any poor person attempting rebirth in the US to be born to parents who earn less than $100,000. Any poor attempting re-incarnation with parents who earn $40,000 or less would be subject to immediate abortion.

Tea party members are especially exultant over these recent developments, and plan to donate the tax money which will be freed up to international conglomerates. CEO’s of such business entities would then stash the extra money in offshore accounts and outsource thousands more US jobs to third world countries. This will ensure continued unemployment (resulting in more poverty) in the US and the entire cycle could be repeated.

As they say, “The poor are always with us.”

- from Faux News

[tw]

Ayn Rand warned us this was coming.

[classicman]

Where on fox is that from? I can;t even google that and find anything close.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by classicman

Where on fox is that from? I can;t even google that and find anything close.

Uhmmm... Are you serious?

Just goes to show how bad things have gotten that parts of the OP might actually make someone wonder.

[Bullitt]

Conservatives hate the poor rah rah rah.



Next.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by Bullitt

Conservatives hate the poor rah rah rah.



Next.

Two fun facts I have noticed about conservatives:

a) Many lack a sense of humor (not you, Bullitt, of course )

b) As a matter of fact, many conservatives do hate the poor with a bitterness I never believed possible.

I was inspired to write the OP and inflict it upon the Cellar (and a few other places), thanks to the following thread that went on for 106 pages in another forum. I was stunned by the mean spiritedness and, yes, outright hatred of the poor displayed in the thread and the forum in general.

Modern Poverty in America Includes A.C. and an Xbox
________________________________________
Oh the humanity!! There needs to be an increase in food stamps, Section 8 and more free stuff for the "poor".

Modern Poverty Includes A.C. and an Xbox - By Ken McIntyre - The Corner - National Review Online

What is poverty? Americans might well be surprised to learn from other government data that the overwhelming majority of those defined as “poor” by the Census Bureau were well-housed and adequately fed even in the recession year 2009. About 4 percent of them did temporarily become homeless.

Data from the Department of Energy and other agencies show that the average poor family, as defined by Census officials:

● Lives in a home that is in good repair, not crowded, and equipped with air conditioning, clothes washer and dryer, and cable or satellite TV service.

● Prepares meals in a kitchen with a refrigerator, coffee maker and microwave as well as oven and stove.

● Enjoys two color TVs, a DVD player, VCR and — if children are there — an Xbox, PlayStation, or other video game system.

● Had enough money in the past year to meet essential needs, including adequate food and medical care.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/polit...es-c-xbox.html

God forbid the poor have a refrigerator or be able to wash their clothes anywhere besides beating them on the rocks in a near-by river.

It's a big old Internet out there with many forums far more nasty than you ever dreamed of Bullitt.

[Bullitt]

I'm not even a conservative though. I'm a moderate that is fed up with the left/right bickering and over-dramatics on both sides. Ridiculous, made up stories do not help bridge the gaps between ideologies. All they do is further inflame tensions.

And as for forums, don't worry I'm well acquainted with the underbelly of the internet. But thanks for the condescending remarks. +1 internets for you.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by Bullitt

I'm not even a conservative though. I'm a moderate that is fed up with the left/right bickering and over-dramatics on both sides. Ridiculous, made up stories do not help bridge the gaps between ideologies. All they do is further inflame tensions.

And as for forums, don't worry I'm well acquainted with the underbelly of the internet. But thanks for the condescending remarks. +1 internets for you.

I'm fed up with all the bickering myself, and I was NOT trying to be condescending toward you. In fact, I apologize if I came off that way. Obviously we don't agree. Life will go on.

[TheMercenary]

I think they hid the food stamps under their work shoes....

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

I think they hid the food stamps under their work shoes....

That's where I stash mine!

[classicman]

Sam, I gather your bullshit lies were directed at me, however you crappy OP piece does nothing to solve the problem, but only furthers the divide.

I've seen much worse by both sides on the net, so it should have come as no surprise to you to think one might believe it was true. The only part I disputed was the Faux reference. I should have known it was just more bullshit from the extremists on the left.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by classicman

Sam, I gather your bullshit lies were directed at me, however you crappy OP piece does nothing to solve the problem, but only furthers the divide.

I've seen much worse by both sides on the net, so it should have come as no surprise to you to think one might believe it was true. The only part I disputed was the Faux reference. I should have known it was just more bullshit from the extremists on the left.

Oh, Classic, I wrote an earlier version of that thing about 6 or 7 years ago for a little satirical mag I was involved in at the time. Back then people thought it was funny. Now we have all become so polarized that some people think I wrote it to be hateful. Not so. I took some of my own fears about what has been going on, and tried to laugh at them.

I have absolutely no desire or reason to attack you either directly or obliquely. Sure we disagree on stuff, but that's no reason to think I'm out to get you.

The entire thing was just humor, Classic. Maybe not good humor, but humor all the same.

People have mis-understood to the point where I wish I could just delete it.

[Pico and ME]

I liked the satire Sam. Don't let them make you second guess your intentions.

[classicman]

Posting in Current events was probably not the best way to go then.

It did nothing for humor in that it was basically all the bullshit that one sees daily from extremists.
It was basically one long inverted UG post.

I appreciate the clarification though. No harm, no foul.


ETA - Admittedly I only read the first paragraph or so before trying to corroborate.

[DanaC]

Well, I thought it was fucking hilarious Sam :p

Did you see the Daily Show segment the other day about Fox news and their reports on how the "poor" are no longer really poor, to the extent that they now put the word in inverted comments every time they use it...because apparently most poor people have a fridge and a microwave? Awesome piece.

I hear the same thing here about the poor. Though as yet we're not downgrading them to the "poor".